Review of Hercules (2014) by Hazardreborn — 01 May 2015

Ok now hold on to get something straight to begin with. This got a better score than 300: Rise of an Empire from viewers?

300:RoaE 6.1 viewer score, this here is 6.6...

And from critics almost the same score? At 47 for this and 48 for 300:RoaE? Are people retarded? Or are they THAT biased with Zack Snyder hate wagons?

Now off to the review.

For starters this film was so predictable, to say the least. Yes, we could see that the friend of Hercules would return by the end. It was so obvious by that point with the entire childish approach to the entire film. We could tell the soothsayer would obviously survive, and we knew the good guys would become the bad, especially when the confrontation of the final army was done so soon. We also knew the only person that would probably die, is the guy that doesn't talk at all, and also saw it coming a mile away, his last breath being in fact, a word, and that word being "Hercules".

And yes, we also saw the nephew saving Hercules coming a gazillion miles away again. Could they slap you in the face any harder with all the constant mindless hints? It would be ok, if this was a kids-flick, but then they dumbed down the coolest part that a child would like to see, that being the Mythological side of things (I head into that later on).

It had a childish comic feel all over it. Some comedy relief which was average, at times it got me to giggle which was not bad, and most of the time it simply made my brain feel numb.

Some of the concepts are a stretch, for example, the initial fight and how much the "good" army sucks is simply too much to believe. This is a good point to also observe some of the worst ever blue screens created.

It tries so hard to copy 300, palettes and even the way Hercules talks, but fails. Even the credits are a rip-off from the 300 credits. Now this could all be seen as a good thing as well. It is not wrong to be inspired by another film and follow in it's steps. But to deliver poorly (by comparison that is) to that aspiration, with evident drops in quality, immediate dumbing down and immature/childish themes and predictable plots? And yet still get a score almost as good as 300 and better than 300:roae, especially when it came out some months after the later meaning one cannot say they hadn't seen this before? How fkng biased and retarded is this stupid world I live in?

The best part about the film was the Rock (Dwayne Johnson) but even he at times looked like a mongol invader. At times. Sometimes he looked simply cool as Hercules. The dumbing down of the plot however cannot help anyone take this film seriously.

Which, evidently, it is not a film to take seriously, so why the hell are they taking a serious or "Scientological" approach to the story of Hercules? The other good parts about the film in other words (the lion, Cerberus, Hydra) are all downplayed ultimately passed on as "stories" and "lies" about a hero.

In a childish film? What are you doing? These are meant to be mythological characters and that is their point, the myth. For such a childish film you simply just took out the only "cool" elements of the film a child could connect to, with nods to older audiences even though the film at this point can be hardly enjoyed as a mediocre result by both target markets.

How about Hollywood goes and fks themselves in the a$$ a little harder next time? These are meant to be myths. Enough with all this crap of completely erasing myths just for the sake of your retarded **** for brains you carry around. So we are meant to be ok with Hulk, a man turning into a green monster, and Thor, and all that other bs for the equivalent "US Myths" and we simply piss all over Myths from other countries to downplay them?

Again, how about hollywood fks itself in the a$$. Just an idea.

Visuals- 6/10.

Acting- 6/10.

Plot- 5/10.

Plot Twists- 2/10.

Theme/Morals- 1/10.

Keeping true to original material- 0/10.

Being original period (and not a tortured 300 copy)- 2/10.

Props and settings- 7/10.

This adds to a 3.5 average score, and I am TRYING to find good things about this film.

This film was simply abysmal. It was ok for a silly afternoon watch to look at and perhaps giggle a little or waste some time. Unfortunately some of us don't have much time to waste.

For one not giving a sh!t about content quality and they just want to see a TV series equivalent of a film some afternoon and have a small laugh, this grade B action flick is ok for one viewing.