Review of Hellboy (2004) by Meritcoba — 13 Jun 2016

When at the end of world war II desperate Nazis succeed to pry open a portal to Hell in yet another attempt of many to stave off total defeat they get interrupted by the American army. Before the door closes again 'something' comes through though: the infant devil Hellboy . Even in Hell they have a reproduction.

We fast forward to the 21st century where the suspension of disbelieve is stretched to snapping point when Ron Perlman, playing the now massive Hellboy at the age of fifty is described to be roughly twenty years of age by his 'dad' Professor something, played by an aged John Hurt. Even all the heavy red makeup tossed upon Perlman can't hide that he doesn't.

Hellboy is certainly fun whenever something is done the first time around. Like when Hellboy draws that gigantic handgun of his to fire massive bullets at a creature that comes straight out the Cthulhu mythos. Ah well it is funny several times after that. Or when he slams a car with his oversized right hand to make it spin overhead.

We also have Selma Blair looking cute with her face drawn of color and wrinkles under her eyes, but otherwise her role is solely to be an object of desire. We do get a scene where she actually wipes out some creatures, but besides this token martial act she just walks around to give Perlman something to worry and moan about.

Logic is the first to die in the movie. It doesn't really matter much apparently for the bad guys have no motive besides the desire to destroy the world by arranging access to Earth for the Ancient Ones.. eh make that Lords of Chaos as they are called in this tale. At some point sense is totally abandoned to the four winds as the deadly nazi assassin attempts to slice up Hellboy while the whole idea is to force Hellboy into opening the portal to whatever place them lords are hanging out by threatening to kill his love interest.. So why kill the one you need to open that door? Because it makes for a cool fighting scene.

The movie keeps stuff to a certain entertainment level, but in the end it has shot its bolt. Hellboy is funny for a while and Perlman has a kind of charm that makes you thaw to him, but eventually the movie gets tedious and I am glad it is done . Hellyboy is like the Hulk or any other of those stereotypical hulking marvel comics dudes: as thin as paper.

I heard there might be a third movie planned. I think two is more than enough for me. Hellboy has outlasted it's entertainment value and has nothing else to bring to the table.