Review of Hell Ride (2008) by Kamachomcsagget — 24 Aug 2010

I got this by mistake, intending to buy Deathproof. I couldn't exactly remember the names of the two Grindhouse movies but I thought this was one of them, and it is not. What I got was one of the worst films I've ever seen.

I can only give you the jist of it because there's barely any plot to speak of. Everyone's after this box....... and that's about all I can make out of it. On the cover it says "Quentin Tarantino presents" but he was the executive producer.

For those who do not know what a producer is, it is someone who is involved with the movie, but not directly. With that being said, I imagine the movie's intended effect is to create an anti-Tarantino movie by doing the opposite of what he advized, and that's how I imagine how his name was put on it.

Why would the writer/director/producer/star do such a thing? I have no clue, but gee-wiz, did he succeed. It has the violence and profanity, but it lacks suprises and memorable dialoge. In fact, the dialoge is so grathing in this film that it's like someone rubs your brain with sand paper every time someone talks.

Also, there is wayyyy too much softcore porn in this movie; probably a third of it is only breasts. If I wanted to look at porn, then I'd look at porn, and I wouldn't spend an hour and a half doing it.

Also, most of the actresses in this movie are so bad that they can make Megan Fox look like Uma Thurman by comparison. Now there are a few redeaming factors in this movie. A few of the lines are pretty good and there is a cameo by David Caribbean.

Is that enough to save this movie? Yes, it saves it an entire point, which isn't much. I wish I can say more but the film was so unmemorable that I really can't, and I just finished watching it.