Review of Hell Ride (2008) by Jack G — 03 Aug 2008

What a fucking waste. We are made to think that this bad-ass biker movie, an homage to the trashy flicks of the 60s, will actually be fun. Nope, nada, zip. Maybe the only moments that even come close to feeling like authentic homage are a couple of the riding scenes. Aside from that, it's like getting trapped inside of Larry Bishop's desperate, sex-neurotic mind.

It's sloppy filmmaking by someone who doesn't know the ropes of telling a story to give 1/10th of a shit about. I know these biker movies didn't concern plot very greatly- I've seen enough of them to know- but for an homage to work, the director has to KNOW how to DIRECT already so that they can go down to the level of making trash. You can't make good shlock if you're already directing shlock anyway.

And there are other disappointments, aside from Bishop as writer/director and actor (he can work very well in ONE scene, like his one scene in Kill Bill 2, but in every other or every scene, he's ingratiating). Madsen sleepwalks through a role that has no real reason for being; Carradine is completely wasted in a scene that a) without revealing too much was done 1,000 times better in Monster Hunter and b) he seems to also be nodding off; all of the sex and boobs and violence- some of it, obviously, excessive- have no real effect.

It's crap, crap, crap. I don't know why I should be pissed, but it just is - and worst of all, according to the press notes, it's just 85 minutes worth of a Bishop-scripted FOUR-HUNDRED PAGE NOVEL!!