Review of Hell Ride (2008) by Jesus G — 29 Aug 2008

Went to see thing in hopes that it would be an old grindhouse biker movie. The names Madsen, Tarantino, Carradine so I was "sold".

I think Dennis Hopper lost his coolness eons ago and simply is a 'talker' doing financial responsibility commercials...what a joke!...let's not forget his 'hip hop' lingo in The Crow 4 or whatever number it was...yeah, admit it, you know what I'm talking about...Terminator2 dude as "Jimmy Cuervo"...

Larry Bishop shows exactly how NOT to do it. My biker, retro movie should have the following:

1) Blood and chunks of something flying...not here, only at the very end.

2)Nudity...but not from bad strippers you just pulled off the pole, Mr. Bishop...there is a beauty to 70's looking breasts that silicon hasn't been able to achieve!!!

3)Dialog that reflects the attitude...not simply cursing ramblings with cliche phrases I see scrawled in a bus stop..the dialog was simply written by an un-laid, can't-get-a-girl, frustrated man.

Bishop, your fake goatee and look came across as a bad Al Pacino...lose the George Hamilton tan while you are at it...and your posture and swagger was nothing short of Axl Rose trying to move his hips at age 80 in a walker.