Review of Hell Ride (2008) by Christopher S — 17 Oct 2009

"Hell Ride" could have been brilliant; no matter what the other critics say. Pitch perfect: produced by Quentin Tarantino, starring Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper and David Carradine, a send up of the now holy exploitation cinema, containing ultra-violence and gratuitous nudity to boot, and showcasing one of the best posters I?ve ever seen (right); this movie could have been such a cult treasure. There is, sadly, one huge flaw: Larry Bishop. Sure, he does a good job as writer-director, spinning some truly original lines, ?meet me on route 66 at 6am, on June the 6th. Don?t make me tell you 6 times, a child of 6 could remember it?, but he insisted on being the lead role and spoiled the whole movie. His acting is so bad it made me wince in parts. It soon became apparent to me that he must be trying live out the old days, when he was ?an ultimate badass? in all those old biker movies. He looks more like a mobile phone salesman. He quickly turns the whole thing into nothing more than a feeble excuse to prove that he his still macho.

Opening in 1976, the movie grabs our attention with the grisly murder of a Cherokee woman named Kisum (Julia Jones), who was the love interest of Pistolero (Larry Bishop ? the name comes from Robert Rodriguez?s ?Desperado?) and the father of new gang member Comanche (Eric Balfour ? he was Milo in TV?s ?24?). Cut to 32 years later and Pistolero has his own gang ?The Victors? which he runs with fellow bad-ass The Gent (Michael Madsen). The gang?s old philosophy was the three B?s: Beer, Bikes and Booty, but since the recent changes in leadership and the introduction of new members, the motto has diluted into gang politics. The Gent begins to tire of this and seeks for the glory of the old days. Pistolero assures him that if they kill all the rival gang, the 666?s (including leader Vinnie Jones) they will revert to their old creed.

I enjoyed the movie, it wasn?t boring. The action wasn?t simply flat out; there were some amusing scenes - especially those containing a truly superb but underused Michael Madsen. Also I liked the occasional burst of ultra-violence, which helped with the image of sleaze that all modern movie nerds bay for. But as I said my big problem was Larry Bishop, who deemed it necessary to appear throughout. It didn?t seem natural, as if he couldn?t pull off the whole biker image. Every time he touched one of the topless whores that the gang hang around with I cringed, he just seemed like a dirty old man. The movie is enjoyable exploitation and even witty at times, but is frequently let down by Mr. Bishop.