Review of Heart of a Dog (2015) by Joehavermann — 21 Dec 2015

If the art teacher from "Ghost World" decided to make a video tribute to her deceased pet, it would be this film, and the fact that I managed to sit through the full 75 minutes is a testament to my masochism. I actually had free admission; after it was over, I wanted my money back.

The film's whispered, sing-songy narration is an incoherent mess. Anderson engages in an intellectual name-dropping that's calculated to impress the type of person who desperately wants to be well-rounded but doesn't like to read. She quotes David Foster Wallace and Kierkegaard and Wittegenstein - though I'm sure she's really quoting Bartlett. What she quotes is devoid of context and, of course, depth. I suspect her greatest intellectual influences are actually the hits of acid she dropped back in the 1970s, or perhaps the pamphlets she picked up from the airport Krishnas.

She refers very liberally to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the one work I'm sure she's read. I suppose the film is meant as some kind of personal essay; if so, it has no overarching argument. It's more a pastiche of totally disconnected musings. If you pepper your conversations with phrases like "getting locked into your thought flow," then this film just might be for you. For me personally, as she flashed words onto the screen with pictures of snow-covered trees, YouTube-style videos of her dog, and then tried to connect it all to 9/11 and the national security state, I began to wonder: am I being punked? Is somebody filming the audience right now? Is this film the abomination that it so clearly appears to be, or is this supposed to be a comedy?

"Heart of a Dog" is self-indulgent, excruciating New Age garbage. Instead of wasting your time on this monstrosity, do the following: watch a short film by Maya Deren; go to "The Intercept," and skim an article chosen at random; search online for "cute dogs," and play whatever videos pop up; and finally, go re-read the terrible poetry you wrote when you were in sixth grade. The fact that "Heart of a Dog" has a significantly higher rating than this year's "Victoria" I regard as evidence that most critics are frauds.