Review of Hatchet III (2013) by Thomas W — 02 Nov 2013

Hatchet III is the epic (they wish), conclusive finale (I wish) to the Honey Island Swamp horror-fest that began in theaters 7 years ago when some unsuspecting tourists happened upon the wrong part of a (very) backwoods, Louisiana bayou and stumbled upon the legendary, grotesque mutant humanoid (think Frankenstein's monster meets Sloth from The Goonies) known as Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder - Jason X, Frozen) who -- as legend had it -- sported a hatchet and liked chopping people to bits if he didn't either crush them with his own bare hands or tear his victims apart limb by limb first (the latter two are his preferred actual methods of killing .

.. although nobody has survived to let others know this). Victor made quick work of everyone in the first film except for a young woman named Marybeth who returned for the second film and somehow even survived that one to make it to this third one.

The first Hatchet made it abundantly clear that the films were going to be jaw-dropping, cringe-inducing, bloody-ridiculous guffaw comedy with over-the-top gore elements complete with gallons of spurting blood.

As it co-starred both Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) and Tony Todd (Candyman), it was tongue-in-cheek, laugh-out-loud horror from the get-go. They were a horror/comedy hybrid ... a gory cheese camp festival.

While the second in the serious was just bloody awful (not in a good way), this final one harkens back to some of the original's "bad" better elements. The plot of this one revolves around a curse that will hopefully be put to an end and broken through the actions of Marybeth (Danielle Harris - Halloween [2007]) as she is aided by the local sheriff (Zach Galligan - Gremlins [! the stunt-casting is back !]); his batty, Victor Crowley expert/ journalist ex-wife (Caroline Williams - Halloween 2 [2009]); as well as an entire SWAT team audiences see senselessly slaughtered sorry sap by stupid sap.

If cheap (not-so) special effects -- heads are crushed like melons, bones break like twigs, spines are pulled from bodies as one pulls meat off a bone etc. -- poor acting and lame dialogue can be seen as entertaining and one likes this wickedly twisted style of humor .

.. than, this is for you. If not ... avoid the Honey Island Swamp. It is that simple.