Review of Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) by Steven W — 04 Sep 2011

At first there was film, then there was Hard Ticket to Hawaii. The bar has been raised for all films made from this day forth, with this as the benchmark for what makes a true masterpiece. From the very beginning, every piece of this elaborate film simply works, in a manner not unlike taking a dump after eating a bran muffin.

The acting and scriptwriting were simply the best I have ever seen in any film to date. There are many writers whom I personally think would do well to take notes. This film serves as a good indicator to me that Oscar nominations mean nothing, when such fantastic writing and acting are very obviously present in this masterpiece and yet completely ignored. The moment was captured time and time again with such lines as "Let's go to the jacuzzi", and "One man's dream is another man's lunch". And of course, arguably the best of them all, "Just when you thought it was safe to take a pee!". On a related note, this film has truly opened my eyes to the dangers of rat-cancer contaminated boa constrictors, and is all the reason I need to decide that I will never have such an animal as a pet.

What also deserves a mention is the soundtrack. Its Casio spoken subtleties simply sent chills down my spine, and unfortunately paralyzed me from the waist down. I'll probably never be able to walk again, but I can say with full conviction that it was worth it to be able to hear music that must surely have been crafted by angels.

While I could go on for days about how truly amazing this work of art is, the only way you could truly understand what I mean is to go and see it for yourself. If you choose to do this, be sure to have clean underwear and a weeks worth of food handy, the shock of seeing something so amazing may cause you to spontaneously soil yourself and lose yourself in a week long state of euphoric bliss. Whether or not this happens, I think it's safe to say that this film will change your life forever.

5/5 stars!