Review of Hard Ride to Hell (2010) by Thomas D — 22 Oct 2010

Wuahahaha 'Hard Ride To Hell' may just possibly suck worse than any other movie. It is definitely a total shit-fest.

Plot:

A group of stupid kids go out to the middle of Texas to go fucking camping in a big, stupid RV camper at one of those stupid park and pay lots!!! Okay, all of these kids are from Colorado! People in CO, do not journey to shitty Texas to camp of all things!!!!!!!!! Give me a break!! Why would anybody leave the mountains to go camping in Texas!! Well that right there shows you how smart the whole group is. Anyways, once they make it to the 'park and camp' site, they get drunk and high and one of them witnesses a ritual of satanic bikers raping and drinking the blood of a bunch of young women! Soon the psychotic, cannibalistic biker gang find all of the stupid kids, terrorize them and eventually kill off most of them. A traveling knife salesman named Bob helps them fight off the ferocious biker gang and lead the kids to safety.

-Overall, this was one of the crappiest horror movies I have seen. Everything about the movie was so god awful that I can't actually believe that I made it through the entire thing! The leader of the blood-drinking bikers is Miguel Ferrer (That little weasel from Robocop) and man does he have one of thee absolute worst latex, rubber deformed melted eyes I have ever seen! The flubbery latex is practically falling off of his face! It doesn't even match his skin color!! And by god his dialog is so corny that it will make you want to just jump head first into a fucking camp fire. Honestly, this movie is Mundo, El Mucho cheesy!! The special effects were just horrendous!! A few of the gore scenes were about the only decent parts of the whole damn thing! This movie is a twinkling turd of stupid horror. It oozes 'straight to dvd' or 'sci-fi channel' cheese. I'm sure there are much better 'Cannibal Biker' flicks out there and I am now determined to find them. There is absolutely no way this is the almighty 'Motorcycle Horror-movie' by any means. I mean it was made in 2010, there have got to be some good Evil Biker movies before this! The whole movie is just a wanna-be version of 'The Hills Have Eyes'. I couldn't possibly recommend this bucket of diarrhea to any living soul. You have been warned!! Halloween Horror-Fest 2010 continues...