Review of Happy Birthday to Me (1981) by Lewis C — 02 Nov 2011

Happy Birthday to Me is a slow as molasses 80's teen slasher that's mediocre at best. It's dull, has a boring plot, takes itself far too seriously, and worst of all, is waaaaaay too long.

The kills are few, far between, and even off-camera (defeating the entire purpose of a freakin' slasher movie in the first place), there's no t&a and no humor. I would recommend it if you needed two hours of background noise or a sleep-aid, but the frequent screams and yells (often for completely no point) would quickly ruin either of those scenarios. The only vaguely entertaining part of the movie is the truly ludicrous ending, but that's not worth the nearly two hours of boredom that would be required to get to it. Worst birthday, ever.