Review of Happily N'Ever After (2007) by Jared W — 22 Aug 2016

All I ever wanted was to see a perfect movie. As I walked into the theaters, I knew this would be a great hit. I sat down with my buttered popcorn and my large soda and watched as my life was being changed. Through great animation and wonderful story plot with delightful characters, my standard for movies was raising higher and higher. By the end of this movie, I was was sobbing into my hands, praying that someday there might be a sequel to this perfect cinema masterpiece.

The second I heard this movie was coming out on DVD, I sprinted (literally because my car was stolen) to the store to get this so I can own one of the most perfect things human beings have ever created. I paid with the credit card that was already $90000 in debt. I was okay with that though because what is another $10 of you never have to own anything again! Anyways, as I got home, I unwrapped the box (you can find the unboxing video of mine on youtube at HappilyNeverAfter4Life). As soon as the disc hit that DVD slot, I started crying again. I started crying because I recalled all of the hilarious events that the main characters went through. That night I watched the movie 53 times. I soon realized that there was no point in going to work ever again. I called my boss to tell him that I was quitting my job. I told him why and he just laughed. I didn't care though because I knew someone like him would never understand the complexity of such a high level movie.

After that night I watched the movie at least 12 times a day. When I would wake up in the morning, my TV would automatically turn on and start playing the movie. Even before I got out of bed, I would watch the movie 3 times. After eating the limited edition Happily Never After cereal imported from Japan, I sit down and watch it another 4 times. After that, I eat my Happily Never After Mac & Cheese and watch it another 5 times, thus ending my day. I have repeated this for 2 years straight. During those 2 years, my wife and kids left because they feel that I was "wasting my life". Well, FYI, I am not wasting my life. Quite the contrary, because it is I who is truly living life. I didn't need them anyways. Also during those 2 years, I lost my house and all I own now is a TV, a DVD player, and the Happily Never After disc. I did not care though because that is all I ever needed anyways. After 2 years though, my life did start to feel empty. The only thing better than Happily Never After was released after 2 years. That thing was... THE SEQUEL! But that is a story for another day I suppose.