Review of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) by Gimly M — 25 Nov 2013

I've been a huge fan of Jeremy Renner (Above - The Avengers, Thor, The Hurt Locker, 28 Weeks Later, Lords of Dogtown, S.W.A.T., Neo Ned) ever since I saw him as Penn in the first season of Angel, and even though the secret Hipster in me is sort of sore about him becoming a household name, I still won't miss a film of his (unless of course he chucks a Gerard Butler and starts doing American Romantic Comedies). So with that bias out of the way, I present my review for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

The film has that recently popular and spectacularly infuriating trope of being designed for 3D. I despise 3D, just to be clear. It's nauseating and you can barely fucking see what's going on. Worst of all, things that actually matter in a movie (like say, I dunno, character development or a decent plot) are sacrificed for "Oooh, wouldn't this look good flying all CGI straight at the camera... Pretty colours." And this is exactly what Hansel & Gretel is aiming for. Which is sad.

Famke Janssen (Taken, Taken 2, X-Men, X2, X-Men: The Last Stand, Hide and Seek, The Faculty) is also a long-term love of mine, and though she is a perfectly fine actor, her character (villainous Grand Witch Muriel) is sadly under-developed, resulting in a huge lack of pay off with her towards the end in what should have been a big deal.

I approve of the use of practical effects, particularly work done with the amazing Derek Mears (Gangster Squad, Predators, Friday the 13th, The Hills Have Eyes 2) as Edward the troll. On that subject, Edward really captured the film, I feel. If it wasn't for this lovably brutal monster, Hansel & Gretel would have slipped further down the chain than it already has.

I'm also not sure what the recent fad is with recreating Fairy Tales in the past couple of years. We had Red Riding Hood, then Snow White & The Huntsman. Now there's this and we have Jack the Giant Slayer just around the corner, as well as a few other less notable ones smattered here and there. I mean it's not outright bad but I'm not really sure where it all started from. I'm assuming Twilight is somehow to blame. Though that being the case Hansel & Gretel has certainly taken quite the step away from that niche.

I know I've spent the past four paragraphs badmouthing the film, but I actually didn't dislike it. It felt (and was) quite short, it has the least amount of staying power out of any film I've seen this year (I actually couldn't even remember what we'd even seen for a few seconds when I was first asked) and the deus ex machina/poor story building crap is as underwhelming as it gets, but it does walk this Fantasy/Horror/Action/Comedy tightrope which makes it (in a "guilty pleasure" sort of way) enjoyable. Not good, but enjoyable. Though I didn't feel I'd gained anything from the 88 minutes I spent watching Hansel & Gretel, I was most assuredly entertained. And to be fair, that is the one and only job of the "entertainment industry" so, in that way, the film is a complete success, and I'd be happy to enjoy the laugh-out-loud-gore again.

55%.

-Gimly.