Review of Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009) by Jeff B — 14 Jul 2010

There comes a time in every man's life when he admits to himself that the idea of Superman using Clark Kent as a secret identity is actually a steaming piece of Kryptonite. He just loses the cape, adds some glasses, and the lemmings of the world are supposed to buy it hook, line, and stinker, right? But disbelief is readily suspended ...because Superman is a freakin' American icon. For teen singing sensation Hannah Montana and her alter-ego Miley Stewart, however, a lot less latitude need be extended. A blond wig on a moppet cannot disguise this movie from anything other than what it truly is: a flimsy excuse to spur more music and toy sales from the Montana-obsessed kid set.

In this G-rated musical-comedy spawned from the Disney Channel series, a young musical superstar (Miley Cyrus) heads to her Tennessee hometown after her popularity begins to take over her alter-ego's life.

The plot (insert guffaw here) ultimately hinges on Montana/Stewart hanging it all up...but before her decision hits the audience with a deadening 'd'uh,' she bursts into songs, pratfalls and puppy love galore. It is supposed to have low humor and a simplistic story for a younger audience-yes, your reviewer gets it. But families deserve better than a bargain basement script and scenery-chewing cast. The film is less I Love Lucy's infamous grape-stomping scene and more just the stomped grapes. There is always a song break, however, as if to remind pint-size filmgoers that the soundtrack is available to download for a nominal fee.

Bottom line: Achy breaky crap.