Review of Halloween: Resurrection (2002) by Laurence C — 16 Oct 2008

Oh, dear. Halloween : Resurrection is just plain terrible, even by slasher standards, but you probably already expected that.

While the other entries in the series at least had their moments and an oddly out-of-touch-with-the-reality feel, Resurrection plays the modern reality-TV card with crappy-ass results. The P.O.V gimmick could hardly be less scary; every scare sucks, whether it's a real one or a fake one (and those ones come in handfuls, too). So when your 'scary' film fails at generating even the least bit of suspense, what do you hang out to?

YES, my friends, the cheese factor! And that particular cheese factor is what gives Resurrection another half-star. The kills are obvious and cartoonish, the story is padded to the max and nonsensical. The flat-out risible performances, mixed with flat-out risible actions and flat-out risible dialogue, are simply to die for. Even if Busta Rhymes is a serious contender for the most fuckawful performance in the last ten years of horror films, I have to say the rest of the cast really do their very best at sucking. The men have litterally no part to speak of, so the less said about them, the better. The women, well... from Jamie Lee Curtis' clearly disinterested performance in the kick-in-the-groin-to-the-fans opening scene to Bianca Kajlich's blander than bland Final Girl act to Katee Sackoff's hysterical ditzy blonde byotch number, it's a goddamn flurry of worse-than-thou acting. Not to mention the stuntman who inhabits the shape... on the creepy scale, he comes close to reaching the zero.

Really, I don't know why I keep reviewing those turkeys. On a screenwriting point of view, it's just so unspeakably moronic that even 11-year olds that have never seen any horror films in their lives can find something to giggle at. Without any visual flair nor wit, Halloween Resurrection is without a single doubt the very worst film of the series.

Among the cheesiest and most predictable horror movies I've seen, that's for sure-- and yes, it sets up a sequel. A sequel that was eventually transformed into a remake of the original, which turned out to be much more atrocious that permitted.

Kill me.