Review of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) by Realmuthaf — 10 Aug 2017

Oh hey, the new masterpiece by the universally praised MARVEL STUDIOS, Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is finally here! What does it have in store for us folks??!!

More of the things we all enjoyed in the first movie so much! More "alien" races which are humans but are colored differently! WAY much more piece of sh*t pathetic cringy jokes! I mean seriously, already in the opening scenes I was forced to sit through "humor" related to nipples, erections and feces. "Jokes" about penises were quick to follow, as well as my willingness to commit suicide. That's some family quality entertainment the axis of e..., erhm, Disney provides nowadays. More lame boring family drama! More blue ugly bald woman whose name I don't remember and who can't act for jack sh*t! More explosions at the expense of any sensible plot! More needlessly radiant colorful CGI!

What else is there? Well, there's a scene where the blue mohawk guy and the Racoon (mostly the guy) kill what looks like a hundred people and lightheartedly laugh about it. Even the soundtrack is no longer funky and memorable, seriously, those are the tracks you could pick from the rich 70's music collection?

Every time the heroes were in danger, I wanted them to finally die. Unfortunately, nobody important is allowed to die in Marvel movies, but at least somebody did. However, any joy from it was overshadowed by the tedious tear-jerking overly-long funeral that followed.

Okay, I thought the first Guardians to be overrated (as all Marvel movies basically), but at least I found those enjoyable. This, however, is the worst movie of the franchise I have watched so far, so glad I didn't contribute to its box office.