Review of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) by Derek B — 14 May 2017

IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG - My Review of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (3 Stars).

I'm gonna keep this one real short. Anyone who has read my prior reviews know how much I loathe comic book movies. Sure, there's a place for them in our pop culture, and obviously the rest of the planet seems to flock to see them, but for me, even when they're well-made, I just don't care. Even at their best, I completely forget what I've seen the minute I leave the theater it happens.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2, like its predecessor, is very well-made. It's fun, fast, often hilarious, looks like a cotton candy factory exploded, and has a ton of the K-Tel hits you've come to expect from such an enterprise. James Gunn is the right choice to direct and co-write these movies. He loves watching THE BACHELOR, y'all, so he clearly has a taste for kitsch. Even the cast seems to be having a good time, with highest scores going to Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Chris Pratt, and especially Elizabeth Debicki in the uptight, Tilda Swinton role. STILL, I don't remember a second of it. Thankfully I took some notes. Rather than recap the film, which every single person on the planet will see anyhow, I'm just going to present my bullet points and call it a day:

-The music is a fun treasure trove, with BRANDY by Looking Glass and ELO's MR. BLUE SKY used in the thrilling, funny and adorable opening scene being the high points.

- Chris Pratt looks really good and STILL makes me ask, "How the hell did anyone see his physical potential when he played chubby Andy Dwyer on PARKS AND RECREATION? He always had great comic timing and continues to here, but whoever said he's gonna be hot some day deserves 10% of his money.

- I'm wondering by now if Zoe Saldana is ever going to succeed in a movie where she isn't painted green or blue.

- Dave Bautista must have studied playground bullies while preparing for his role as Drax. He has the point-and-laugh down pat and comes close to stealing the movie.

- Bradley Cooper, as he did in the first one, DOES steal the movie as Rocket, the highly expressive, ornery raccoon. If I'm going to remember anything from these films, it will be how perfectly his face crinkles when he's annoyed.

-To portray him as younger, the CGI work on Kurt Russell's face is incredible. He truly looks exactly as he did when he made ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. Hey Kurt Russell! Make another ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK! Instead of the reported reboot, just bring back Kurt as Snake and power-spray his face with all that computer goodness.

- Baby Groot is as cute as you would hope him to be, although he looks a little dead in the eyes as if he were possessed by those stupid Engineers from PROMETHEUS.

- Sylvester Stallone makes an appropriate cameo, but he's sadly upstaged by another surprise guest star who fits right into the zany spirit of the film.

- Michael Rooker brings the fun, but am I the only one who feels like he wandered off the set of BATTLEFIELD EARTH?

- That uptight alien race amused me and caused me to scribble down, "CIS-ESQUE GENDERED GOLD PRIVILEGE". Make of it what you will. Side note, shouldn't all wars be fought with remote controlled drone-like space pod, silver marble thingies?

- This is as good as a Marvel movie is going to get, and yet all I can think about is how much I can't wait to see THE LOVERS with Debra Winger and Tracy Letts. May 27th can't come fast enough!