Review of Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) by Raven D — 06 Mar 2018

Weak story, lame villain, bad writing in some parts, and stupid humor with dumb and forced dialogueWeak story, lame villain, bad writing in some parts, and stupid humor with dumb and forced dialogue. .

Basically, almost every character, regardless of the fact that they are of different races and come from different planets in different galaxies, talks like a teenage ninja turtle. Everything is peppered with "dude, man, bro, yeah". It sounds forced and ridiculous. Even Thanos' own daughter talks to him like "kay dad, bla bla". I understand the type of humor they're going for, but not the need to force it on the dialogue of every single character. Even scenes that called for some degree of seriousness, like the final confrontation with the villain, are interrupted by childish humor. The film also tries too hard to not take itself seriously, like when they show the Guardians assembled and walking in slow motion. They could have just shown them looking cool, but no, let's show Quill scratching his nose and Gamora yawning. Wow. Funny.

A breakdown of the characters:

Quill: Encapsulates all the dumb humor and dialogue in the movie. Aside from his mask and coat, nothing noteworthy about this character. The vision of his mother at the end was incredibly forced. What is the relation between your mother lying in her deathbed, saying her final goodbye, and this girl trying to hold your hand to share the power of the gem to save you? An outstretched hand?

Gamora: her character is ok. nothing special. I don't understand how the Nova Corps have the daughter of Thanos in their hands and they just ship her away to some prison. And unless I missed something, there are no guards taking her to her cell. The entire prison wants to kill her and they just shout at her while letting her enter the cell. Then, when she escapes death, she gets to sit down and eat in peace. The rest of the prison apparently got the memo and leaves her alone. And what does her sister mean by "look at what he turned me into"? why does Ronan thinks this means something?

Drax: I actually found it funny that he did not understand metaphors, and this gives us a few funny lines, like "what percent of a plan do you have?" However, I find it incredible that a man whose nickname is "The Destroyer", says things like "it's nice to have friends again". Aside from forced childish dialogue like this, I liked the character.

Groot: I liked this character. Didn't love him, but he's alright. It's a bit funny how quill remarks that "I am Groot" will get old real fast, but it actually doesn't, and he manages to convey different emotions with the same line.

Rocket Raccoon: I don't think I would be bothered too much by this ridiculous character if he wasn't a part of the main marvel universe. I can read a comic or watch a movie about a talking burrito that fights crime with no problem, but knowing that this character is going to star alongside Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye...etc. It just feels ridiculous. Granted, all of these other characters require varying degrees of suspension of disbelief, but a talking raccoon? I think that ridiculousness should be separated from the rest of the Marvel universe, which they have so carefully built. Still, looking at the character objectively, he is ok.

Yondu is cool, nothing fantastic, but cool. The villain though was a major letdown. Very boring character. Add to this the fact that his final showdown, his last dramatic moment, is interrupted by the hero literally dancing to distract him. A very forgettable villain.

Another part where I spotted weak writing was with the capsules/pods. Quill remarks that they are built to withstand anything, so the raccoon proceeds to ram and rip through the attacking ships with it. This makes no sense. Aren't the ships also built to withstand attacks? They are battle ships, designed for war. And the pod just goes through them like it's nothing. Because they're "industry-grade" or something, as if the ships aren't. Why did Thanos adopt the child of a family he killed? What was he expecting? How is John C. Reilly part of the Nova Corps? He doesn't even try to hide his huge belly. I guess this is supposed to be funny.

I had an idea of the humor to expect from this movie, and I tried to like it, I really did. I expected the story to be strong enough to immerse me and either make me give the humor a pass or embrace it. I never thought the story could be that weak. Not bad, just weak. This, combined with a weak, boring villain, and combined with a humor that only a really childish person would like, just didn't cut it for me. I will probably watch Volume II to go into Infinity War with all the details, but I won't be expecting anything. I really wish this had no relation whatsoever with the rest of the cinematic Marvel Universe..

Basically, almost every character, regardless of the fact that they are of different races and come from different planets in different galaxies, talks like a TEENAGE ninja turtle. Everything is peppered with "dude, man, bro, yeah". It sounds forced and ridiculous. even thanos' own daughter talks to him like "kay dad, bla bla". I understand the type of humor they're going for, but not the need to force it on the dialogue of every single character. even scenes that called for some degree of seriousness, like the final confrontation with the villain, are interrupted by childish humor. the film also tries too hard to not take itself seriously, like when they show the guardians assembled and walking in slow motion. They could have just shown them looking cool, but no, let's show quill scratching his nose and gamora yawning. wow. funny.

A breakdown of the characters:

Quill: encapsulates all the dumb humor and dialogue in the movie. aside from his mask and coat, nothing noteworthy about this character. the vision of his mother at the end was incredibly forced. what is the relation between your mother lying in her deathbed, saying her final goodbye, and this girl trying to hold your hand to share the power of the gem to save you? AN OUTSTRETCHED HAND?

Gamora: her character is ok. nothing special. I don't understand how the nova corps have the daughter of thanos in their hands and they just ship her away to some prison. and unless I missed something, there are no guards taking her to her cell. the entire prison wants to kill her and they just shout at her while letting her enter the cell. then, when she escapes death, she gets to sit down and eat in peace. the rest of the prison apparently got the memo and leaves her alone. and what does her sister mean by "look at what he turned me into"? why does ronan thinks this means something?

Drax: I actually found it funny that he did not understand metaphors, and this gives us a few funny lines, like "what percent of a plan do you have?" however, I find it incredible that a man whose nickname is "the destroyer", says things like "it's nice to have friends again". ASIDE FROM FORCED CHILDISH DIALOGUE LIKE THIS, I LIKED THE CHARACTER.

Groot: I liked this character. didn't love him, but he's alright. it's a bit funny how quill remarks that "i am groot" will get old real fast, but it actually doesn't, and he manages to convey different emotions with the same line.

Rocket raccoon: I don't think I would be bothered too much by this ridiculous character if he wasn't a part of the main marvel universe. I can read a comic or watch a movie about a talking burrito that fights crime with no problem, but knowing that this character is going to star alongside iron man, black widow, hawkeye...etc. it just feels ridiculous. granted, all of these other characters require varying degrees of suspension of disbelief, but a talking raccoon? I think that ridiculousness should be SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE, WHICH THEY HAVE SO CAREFULLY BUILT. STILL, LOOKING AT THE CHARACTER ITSELF, HE WAS OK.

YONDU IS COOL, NOTHING SPECIAL, BUT COOL. THE VILLAIN THOUGH, WAS A MAJOR LETDOWN. ADD TO THIS THE FACT THAT HIS FINAL SHOWDOWN IS INTERRUPTED BY THE HERO LITERALLY DANCING TO DISTRACT HIM, AND WE'RE LEFT WITH A VERY FORGETTABLE RONAN THE ACCUSER.

ANOTHER PART WHERE I SPOTTED WEAK WRITING WAS WITH THE CAPSULES. QUILL REMARKS THAT THEY ARE BUILT TO WITHSTAND ANYTHING, SO THE RACCOON PROCEEDS TO RAM AND DESTROY THE ATTACKING SHIPS WITH IT. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. IF THE CAPSULE IS BUILT TO WITHSTAND ATTACKS, WHAT ABOUT THE SHIPS ATTACKING THEM? THEY ARE BATTLE SHIPS, DESIGNED FOR WAR, AND THIS CAPSULE JUST GOES THROUGH THEM LIKE IT'S NOTHING. BECAUSE THEY'RE "INDUSTRY-MADE" OR SOME OTHER DESCRIPTION WHICH MAKES NO SENSE.

I HAD AN IDEA OF THE HUMOR TO EXPECT FROM THIS MOVIE, AND I TRIED TO LIKE IT, I REALLY DID. I EXPECTED THE STORY TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO IMMERSE ME AND EITHER MAKE ME GIVE THE HUMOR A PASS OR EMBRACE IT. BUT I NEVER THOUGHT THE STORY COULD BE THAT WEAK. NOT BAD. JUST WEAK. THIS, COMBINED WITH A HUMOR THAT ONLY A REALLY CHILDISH PERSON WOULD LIKE, JUST DIDN'T CUT IT FOR ME. I WILL MAYBE WATCH VOLUME II JUST TO GO INTO INFINITY WAR WITH ALL THE DETAILS, BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING THIS TIME AROUND.