Review of Green Room (2016) by Da Z — 14 May 2016

Billed as a "horror" movie, the only true horror about this movie is that I spent $9.75 for a ticket, only to have my brain pummeled by stupidity, and this movie was its Mike Tyson. The beginning third shows some promise, starting off as a road-trip-turned-mystery, but once the main conflict occurs, it unravels into a dogshit Sundae. Sorta like if you went into a Mummy movie, only to find out at the end that the mummy was actually someone who got stuck in a bunch of masking tape and was trying to get his buddies to help him out, but they just misunderstood him the whole time.

Patrick Stewart is completely wasted as a bad guy who literally does almost nothing but give nonsensical orders (in mostly monotone delivery) to his skinhead underlings while the "good guys" stand around and play "The Biggest Dumbass". There is literally no horror element in this movie, as it's a straight-up slasher flick but without any mysterious killer, just random nameless skinheads. People die out of nowhere, for seemingly no reason. Maybe this movie was some artistic way of portraying the absurdities of life? Some kind of weird existential punishment?

Terrible. Also, the ending is terrible.