Review of Gothic Vampires from Hell (2007) by Kylie B — 11 Dec 2009

I wasn't expecting this to be Oscar material. All I was hoping for was some cheesy vampire fun, a decent soundtrack, and maybe some gothic eye-candy. Well, the soundtrack was okay, but the rest I didn't get. It's utterly cringe-worthy. The actors appeared to have been scraped up off the street, regardless of acting talent or whether they look remotely goth (and giving them bad make up and costumes doesn't help either, funnily enough). If you're going to give us actors who don't look that goth, at least make them good actors. Or, if your budget doesn't stretch that far, go to some local alt clubs and find some subculturally pretty people who don't mind being in front of a camera spouting the drivel you call dialogue in exchange for a few dollars/pounds and/or free drinks (also known as the Razorblade Smile approach to casting). I will admit the black female vocalist of the other 'band' was reasonably attractive, and at least could sing fairly well. But that's all the concession you're getting from me on that score.

Shame on you, Cleopatra Records, for associating yourselves with this. Some of you out there will probably want to rent it in order for you and your friends to have a hilarious evening criticising it. If so, enjoy yourselves. Otherwise, stay the hell away.