Review of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019) by Berik — 03 Jun 2019

If you are a 5 year old, you will think this movie is amazing. If you managed to age past 5 years however... Coming from Kong: Skull Island (Which I really liked and gave an 8/10), Godzilla: King of the Monsters goes back to Godzilla 2014, but decides to double down on stupidity in favor of a few more monsters. Don't be fooled, we really only got 4 monsters as the other ones have a combined screen time of less then 2 minutes. And 90% of this movie are scenes about the dumb-ass humans who all graduated from the 80's action movie intelligence school.

Right from the start, the movie takes an incredibly slow and dumb approach to unveiling the monsters. Emma, who deserves to burn in the deepest and darkest pit of hell, is a psychopathic, mass murdering terrible mother with a god complex. Not only does she detonate bombs while her own husband and daughter are right in front of them, she even dares to pretend that she can shrug it off when it 'surprisingly' doesn't go according to plan. SHE is the Queen of the Monsters! She is responsible for every single human death after pushing the button!

It's insulting to think that people defend this as a monster movie, when the writers of the movie themselves put so much screen time into the human characters. It should be renamed; Emma: Queen of Idiocy and Monsters. There are many moments in the movie that are so pointless and forgetable that I wonder why this movie is even around two hours long. There's a whole scene about a marine getting injured in the leg (which no one will even remember) that serves no purpose. The whole idea that an alien is somehow perfectly capable to communicate with Earth monsters doesn't even make sense in a monster movie. The jokes in this movie were so lame and boring that it irritated me. The daughter serves no purpose other than dragging the ORCA, and I really hope child services will remove her from her deranged and lunatic father. The only intelligent character in this whole movie is played by Charles Dance, who basically says: 'You opened pandora's box, yet are surprised when the results are not what you expected?' He actually makes sense there. Every single other character in this movie has the IQ of a Tiger with down syndrome (Google it, they exist). Are there good points? Yes there are:

+ Charles Dance was interesting and convincing.

+ The moment Godzilla enters Boston was very impressive.

+ The monster battles themselves are very awesome.

+ Donald Trump wasn't President.

I was bored, and very disappointed in this lazy childish mess of a movie. Just because it's a monster movie doesn't mean you can't have well written characters, sensible plot points and good jokes. Just look at the MCU. I think Godzilla fans deserve better, and I definitely did considering I paid for this fan fiction. It is a bad movie. I give it a 4/10.