Review of Gods of Egypt (2016) by Spangle — 14 Nov 2016

Alex Proyas' Gods of Egypt is a truly incredible creation that can only be properly described as: what? Telling the story of the gods of Egypt and a struggle for the role of King of all Egypt, this film is truly a sight to behold. Really, the amount that goes on in these two hours is hard to put to words. That said, I am going to try. In the film, Set (Gerard Butler) is the god of Darkness, while his brother, Osiris (Bryan Brown), is King. As Osiris is set to pass the role of King to his son, Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), Set is unhappy. Thus, he kills Osiris, blinds Horus, and takes the crown. Set then proceeds to kill all gods against him and enslave the population of Egypt, while also attacking his father, Ra (Geoffrey Rush). By attacking Ra, he allows a demon that Ra fights nightly to attack the world with the intention of having this demon consume the afterlife. This would then give Set immortality and the power that would come with this. Meanwhile, Horus is distraught and blind, hiding in seclusion. That is until he meets Bek (Brenton Thwaites). A thief, Bek was enslaved by Set, along with his love Zaya (Courtney Eaton). When he tries to help Zaya escape, she is killed by Set's builder. In an attempt to rescue her from the afterlife, Bek strikes a deal with Horus to help him steal back his eyes (Bek had already stolen one back) in return for granting life back to Zaya. However, unbeknownst to Bek, Horus does not have the power to give life. Only Ra has that ability. Even worse, Set has made it so that to enter the afterlife, one must have riches. Zaya has none, meaning that she will be destroyed. Fortunately, Horus' love and the goddess of love, Hathor (Elodie Yung), is in a position to help. After recognizing the love Bek has for Zaya, she sacrifices herself by taking off a bracelet. This bracelet, given to her by Horus, had protected her from the demons that wished to consume her soul. By giving it to Bek to give to Zaya, Hathor feels as though she fulfilled her purpose as a god. Funnily enough, Zaya never needed it because that demon Set unleashed on the afterlife began consuming the afterlife right when it was her turn to relinquish her riches. Now, however, Bek and Horus must fight back against the world. Here, Horus learns that his journey was to fight for humanity and serve the world, rather than himself and other gods. In defeating Set, he teams up with Bek to save Egypt and restore order to the world. They also steal back Ra's sword - which Set had taken - to give Ra back his power. Once his sword is back in his hand, Ra is able to kill the demon. Moved by Horus' actions, Ra offers his services to his grandson. To repay Bek - who was killed by Set at this point - Horus asks Ra to give Bek and Zaya back their life so that they may be together once more. Ra grants this and Horus is made the King of Egypt while Bek and Zaya get to live happily ever after. Phew.

As you can tell, this plot is convoluted. It makes literally no sense. Yet, what bothers me most is that this is done joylessly. For a film this stupid with this many moving parts, Gods of Egypt is a long two hour film. It takes forever to get through and is the definition of a slog. It takes itself far too seriously for a film as stupid as it is. This film features two gods fighting as birds or something and yet, it still has a sense of self-importance that is hard to ignore. Had it enjoyed itself and poked fun at the lunacy on screen, Gods of Egypt could have been the best b-movie in years. Yet, instead, it is merely a serious film with seriously horrific acting and even worse special effects.

Having previously made good films, Alex Proyas is far too talented to produce this mess of a film and think that it is an acceptable work. It is a film with the quality of a mockbuster by The Asylum. The fact that Lionsgate thought this was a good idea with franchise potential does not shock me though, considering that Lionsgate is one of the the stupidest, ill-conceived distributors releasing films in the 21st century.