Review of Gods of Egypt (2016) by Alx93 — 24 May 2016

So, you have a budget of 142 million dollars, fail miserably resulting in a film embarrassing that that even chimpanzees would give a "facepalm" on how much embarrassing it is, barely make a profit of $ 2 million, and yet, you as a producer, you have the nerve to tell critics they are idiots!

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Overview: the film has some impressive landscapes, but that's all. As for the rest, it's a terrible and boring succession of scenes , chases and fights embarrassing and not exciting. Not much .... but you know where you're starting to feel sorry that the film had potential due mythological theme which does have a variety of mythical places: cosmic inferno, desert, oases, etc.

Most actors who play the roles of gods are white and black (none of them Egyptian there who appear have a physiognomy of the Near East). Gods men dressed in suits and gold armor that kitsch ala the Immortals. And guess what, the gods have faces of animals but can spill: Horus into a humanoid bird to say that's a manga cartoon unicorns, and Seth in a Terminator-looking dog.

That Pharaoh Osiris is not that we know of hieroglyphics, green and always mummified, but simply Actor and old to be there to be killed by jealous brother, Seth. And Isis ... is a daddy to be there.

Somehow, just trying to look like Anubis and Thoth book, omniscient god who has a narcissistic clone army that helps.

Ra's about the only one who shone literally (a bald old uncle that only grows in height and lights). I loved representation of the mythical naive: Boat solar million years is like a spacecraft from Stargate with sun in a chain in a river cosmic endlessly above the Earth is flat (the other part being the afterlife) .... and as Ra, night after night, like a surly old farts periodically strike the guy with the newspaper in flies that bother him of sleep, battled with the snake (better said worm) celestial dust that represents chaos and darkness. Night after night, that makes him, to bring the sun in the sky.

That was about the only good moment of the film that rest was wailing.

Judgement of the dead is made in the following way: every soul of a deceased man had to bring wealth. As the richer you were, the more was better and received an eternal afterlife.

Story: it's far below Mummy!

Horus begins with a drunk with fame and arrogant, sexy goddess Hathor engaged, that is ready to be crowned as the new Pharaoh ... or rather, co-pharaoh as Osiris still held good. Just as occurs coup waged by Seth-Gerard Butler equipped armor spartan (as it should be in 300) who brings his army of strange, he cut Osiris and we blindly Horus, taking his eyes as pearls and exiles it.

And here starts the whole story focusing on mortal abilities with jefuitior higher James Bond or Catwoman, and best climber and athlete something like Prince of Persia or as Mario when surpasses obstacles, passing traps, decipher riddles. Not to mention as in the whole movie is funny and smiling like a sheaf of wheat. In order to return to his babe to life, resorting to collaborate with Horus and his eyes looking for and help it to regain strength.

Thus begins one of the most boring succession of scenes lately sequences copied from other films like Mummy and the Clash of the Titans: instead of giant scorpions, giant snakes.

Seth , with Eye of Horus, the heart of Osiris and brain Thoth, builds armor terminator high a huge obelisk to impress his father, Ra, steals then sword / wand to lure Apphopis to destroy the world, to unleash chaos, and he will bring a new order.

Bek and Horus and has to climb up to heaven to take water from cosmic evil to put a few drops into the pit towards the center of the earth that can destroy and neutralize his powers Seth desert.

Obviously they fail and place all sorts of clichés no longer understand anything in the movie.

Then you ask yourself what kind of monkey could write such a scenario then to afford to make you "idiot".

And so we finally Fighting bling bling with a happy-end with the resurrection and the god Horus reaching a populist would make even kindergarten children to and spank leading embarrassing how much is in the film.

Finally, I stop that already makes me sick when I remember.

Actors: Gerard Butler besides trying to make him somewhat on rough, but not out, and the appearance of Geoffrey Rush, all are pathetic.

NOTE: 3.

Avoid it as much as possible because it's more dust than Clash of the Titans.

Honestly, Mummy the better than to see this mythological atrocity.