Review of Gods and Monsters (1998) by Josh L — 06 Nov 2003

...at least it'll be easier for you to carry me there.

Hey...that sounds like an altruistic thought. Perhaps I'll be going to heaven after all.

Or perhaps I'm already there...the heaven of sweet irony.

I swear that these women come at the worst time.

I've been futily courting this girl Krista for a long time now. She's been courting me, too, but like a ninja. She's infiltrated my skin...past my emotional barriers...a shadow of affection. Not really giving any, other than genuine interest, which is strange to me and feels like affection.---Over the years, the openness I've shared with people in my life has dwindled pretty drastically, other than family of course. I used to meet someone and, not caring what they think or how they react, tell all about myself. As I've gotten older and more cynical, so has those I meet, and my natural reaction is, naturally, to bottle up. This is why I've been a moron with all those threads prattling on about this insignificant experience and that meaningless "romantic" exchange. As my social interaction has become more guarded, I fulfill my penchant for babble with this outlet called RT.---So...where was I?

Oh...Krista and I really like each other, but I am moving down the east coast in a couple months and she, invariably, will not. We are friends. This has been quite an emotional obstacle for me, as it goes against every fibre of my being to ignore an opportunity like this no matter the greater good.

Well...Two of my friends have recently come to me, basically asking if we can go out on a date before I leave my hometown.

Heidi is a girl who I did a large-scale DVD-video multimedia project with last semester. We got to know each other pretty well, and she is a very "real" person, which I appreciate, but she's always come off as a bit cold, detached, and defensive. She refers to her gold Mustang (car) as her "boyfriend", and has told all of us (there were three other guys with her and I in this group for the project) in various ways, without us asking, that she would never date any of us. We have a class together this semester and always rip on each other, friendly-like. She makes fun of my cheesey jokes and I make fun of her obnoxious laugh.

[B]SIDE QUESTION: Could you date someone with an obnoxious laugh?[/B].

After a particularly rowdy class period, she sent me an email saying that she had to admit that she had had a crush on me for a while, and wanted to go out and "have fun" before I left for Georgia. Now...I'm all for a good time, but this is playing with fire. Also, because I'd quite possibly become attached.

So...that's not going to happen. I told her today, and she sulked the whole class, not looking at me. But she'll come around. She has to understand.

Then there's Lydia. Lydia is a punk rock girl that I met through my friend Miriam. She's young...5 years younger than me...and constantly make fun of me for being born in the 70's. I must admit...I know I'm young, but I feel old sometimes, like when my back noticeably hurts after a modicum of exercise. Being with her makes me feel young (when she's not making fun of our age difference)...well...not "young"...but hanging out with her reminds me of what my life was like in my highschool days, and that feels nice. Plus, she's a fucking sweetheart. A very caring person. She holds down three jobs, one of which is a veterinary assistant, which I think is pretty fucking cool. Conversation with her is just as real and deep as I have with anyone else, but with her, the deep stuff has no pessimistic undertones. She has an extremely positive outlook on life and it rubs off on my usually negative cynical ass whenever we talk. It feels amazing. We've been friends for a while now, but she just told me a week ago that she'd like to take it one step further before I leave.

I, of course, have urges and desires aside from the emotional responses that I get just from being spiritual attracted to these women. But I am not stupid and am not about to do anything with anyone...except Krista...which I sorta already have...but she's basically me in female form...fine female form at that...except she's not as funny...she's wittier.

Oh well...back to carrot sticks, green tea with honey and my PS2.

-Bryan.