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Last updated: 30 Jun 2026 at 09:13 UTC

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Review of by Jeffrey G — 13 Aug 2012

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This is--undeniably, unequivocally--the worst film I have seen all summer. It makes Transformers 2 look like a masterpiece of popcorn cinema.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing even makes sense in the "action cinema" world. This film is so brain-dead that I couldn't help but burst out laughing--out-loud--at a key "moment" of suspense. No, really. My wife hit me--not because she was embarrassed that I was laughing hysterically--but because she was laughing with me. Acting is uniformly atrocious. The movie is so "faithful" to the action figure line that it expects you to ignore basic concepts of logic--like why is Storm Shadow dressed 100% in white NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES?!?!

Not to mention--the film ABJECTLY steals visuals from FAR better material. And, get this--"far better material" in this case is "The Phantom Menace". Yes--there's an underwater city. Yes! And to add insult to all of us who have seen real work in sci-fi/fantasy--the movie STEALS ALL UNDERWATER COMBAT VISUALS FROM THE RE-IMAGINED BSG!!!!

In all honesty--this is the first film in about 18 years that I seriously considered WALKING OUT ON. And my wife was ready to do it with me. In fact she suggested it. But we stuck it out.

I don't know why.

Oh, wait--I do. The sole reason for the single star--Snake Eyes. So, if you've got some cash and about 140 minutes (including previews) to waste--AND I DO MEAN WASTE--go see it.

A colossal disappointment. :-(.

This review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) was written by on 13 Aug 2012.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra has generally received mixed reviews.

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