Review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) by Anthony T — 30 Jul 2013

"G.I. Joe" is the definition of a dumb summer blockbuster and if you can manage to turn your brain off there are some good action scenes that will keep you entertained. Thankfully you don't have to be a fan of the old 80's TV Show to enjoy it, though there are numerous references throughout to satisfy the hardcore fans that are used to the nonsensical action courtesy of "Cobra" and the "Joes". The film is set in the near future where we are introduced to James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) a weapons manufacturer that has created nanotech-based weaponry capable of reducing entire cities to rubble. NATO troops led by Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are assigned to protect warheads filled with the nanomites but the weapons are stolen by a renegade military group led by Duke's ex-fiancée Ana "The Baroness" Lewis. G.I. Joe, an elite group of military professionals equipped with the latest gadgets and weaponry, recruits the two buddies. Now Duke. Ripcord and the Joes have to recover the weapons before they can be used against the world, uncover who the mysterious leader of the villains is, find out why Duke's fiancée has gone rogue, prove that they are worth their seat on the team and make some time for romance and friendship too.

When it comes to the story, there are numerous plot holes throughout (the most obvious being the sinking ice during the film's final climax) but some action sequences are pretty impressive. The effects are decent and there are a few moments that are impressive in the way the stunts are designed and handled. The most memorable sequence is the one shown off in the trailers, where Duke and Ripcord are wearing special armor that allows them to jump through windows, over cars and handle punishment like only real "American Heroes" can while racing through the city at super speed. For every good sequence though, there's a silly one. An example of one that will just leave you scratching your head is an attack on the G.I. Joe's command center where all of the generic minions are wearing full body armor that hides their faces and gives them complete anonymity but the characters that are given personalities and dialogue wear no armor whatsoever. The characters infiltrate the base and don't do what you would expect them to do like say... detonate a large bomb in it or steal information from their systems or try to really cripple the soldiers that are taken by surprise.

Some characters' designs make no sense (Snake-Eyes has custom armor that's custom-molded around his mouth... because it looks cool?) and some characters act really questionably (Storm Shadow has no problems killing men and in fact does so with distinct glee, but when it comes to women, well he just doesn't do that). The personalities themselves are painfully flat. For every twist that will catch you off guard (including a couple towards the end) there are some silly ones that will have you rolling your head (mostly revolving around Duke's ex-fiancée The Baroness). That's the main reason you have to be so forgiving while watching the movie; you have to focus on the cool stuff while doing your best to ignore the sequences that would have you shaking your head in disbelief (including a really predictable love-plot involving Ripcord. His character is particularly frustrating at times because he pretty much plays the standard black funny sidekick and contributes little except towards the end where he is the focus of an intense aerial chase.

There are many action blockbusters that deliver brains and adrenaline so to call "G.I. Joe" a movie that's "good" would be a stretch. I will give it a mild recommendation if only because It moves quickly, it is entertaining and without the flaws being pointed out to you as the movie is progressing you won't mind the silly sequences. If all you want is a series of action sequences with some decent twists and good special effects and you really don't want to think, this one's a keeper. (Dvd, April 30, 2013).