Review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) by Jamie C — 09 Apr 2016

Very very bad, so bad you'd think it was directed by Michael Bay or Uwe Boll. Lame, predictable, hole-ridden script. Join-the-dots direction.

Obviously the CGI is great, but that is a given for a modern action movie.

I can't think of crappier movie which contained such a galaxy of stars: Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, Sienna Miller, Channing Tatum, Rachel Nichols, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marlon Wayans, Jonathan Pryce. Due to the lame plot and direction, none of them are required to extend themselves. In fact, in keeping with the low standard of the movie, it appears that those of them that actually have some acting talent (Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt) were told to dumb their performances down. They can do better.

Yet another example of the "don't worry about originality, plot, direction, or acting, CGI is everything" trend in Hollywood. Even sadder than that is that a lot of people were willing to pay good money to see crap like this.