Review of G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) by Severedwing — 17 Apr 2013

Essentially what you would expect from the franchise. An action movie that is thick on special effects and action and woefully wanting in character development and plot. Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson appears as the less than memorable "Roadblock" in this installment. He is the "heavy hitter" of the group, relying on big guns and big fists to get the job done. While he does have a few zingers in his dialogue in general he lacks any real screen presence as a character, making him less than memorable. Snake Eyes makes a return, hunting down his Cobra counterpart Storm Shadow, played by Lee Byung-hun who actually turns out to be the star of this film in my opinion. His backstory is memorable, wanting to avenge a wrong that is forced upon him and while he has few lines of dialogue in the movie all of them are delivered with the emotion you would expect from such a troubled character. Meanwhile the rest of the roster is rounded out with even less memorable characters and a cameo appearance by Bruce Willis as Gen. Joesph "GI Joe" Colton.

There are several very cliched things in the movie that totally detract from any sense of seriousness. It is over the top and obviously not trying to appeal to a mature audience, but directed almost solely at the 6-13 year old demographic. It starts with a "slow-mo" bullet that has a camera and allows the shooter to guide the projectile in a fashion similar to the Nintendo Wii (can we say obvious video game franchise tie-in?), then continues the silliness with a video game competition in which the seasoned Duke is spinning his video game character wildly in circles while trying to determine how to shoot, then later in the film General "Joe" reveals that his house is in fact a disgustingly overstocked arsenal (are we to really believe he keeps live hand grenades in a fruit bowl?). Each of these instances simply left me shaking my head and wishing my 10 year old nephew was there to watch it. Had the movie taken itself a little seriously it still would have been entertaining for kids and not so numbing for the adults who have to endure it.

The flimsy plot is another weakness as well. It seems everyone forgot that Cobra was involved in the first movie as they are hired by the duplicate President to essentially run security for the nation. Add in a "summit" in which all nuclear nations launch every nuclear weapon they have and then promptly detonate them before impact because the President "dared them to". It all stretches incredulity beyond its breaking point, but again the youngsters won't care.

In all the movie is essentially a (roughly) 2 hour long sub par action film. Its not anything to get excited about and its reviving a franchise that has been dead too long (nearly 4 years). More memorable titles will quickly push this one to DVD such as Iron Man 3, Man of Steel, and Star Trek: Into Darkness.