Review of G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) by Jeffrey N — 08 Oct 2014

First, this movie is head and shoulders better than the last one. However, it took too long to make, the year-long delay to make it 3D was a waste of time and the changes they made were hit and miss to improve upon the last one.

For fans of the cartoon/toy/comics as kids (namely, me), there are a lot more elements of Retaliation that make it more of the GI Joe we know and love than Rise of Cobra. Let's start with the positive aspects. The Rock as Roadblock was great. Without Michael Clarke Duncan in this world anymore, I can't imagine a better cast. Adrianne Palicki, fresh off her failed Wonder Woman pilot, was very good as Lady Jaye. Ray Stevenson was the strongest add as a PERFECT Firefly. They greatly improved on the presentation of Cobra Commander, who sounded perfect and acted like the commander from the 80s. Zartan's character, though portraying the President most of the movie, still acted like the Zartan we all knew. Introduction of the F.A.N.G copter, the H.I.S.S. tank and even the Moccasin airboat made my 13 year old pants go crazy. Very cool stuff. And, as always, Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes were perfect. The best action scenes were, by far, the mountain fighting. Superbly done. Best stuff I've seen in a long time. Any battle with Firefly was exciting.

Now the bad...

While the story was right out of the cartoons and maintained the same vibe, the dialogue was just idiotic (not that the . I know the strength of the actors wasn't great, but with a script that bad, they never had a chance. While the cartoon and comics do a very thorough job of explaining the Storm Shadow/Snake Eyes relationship (which are some of the best stories I've ever read, oddly enough), the way they come together in this movie is just stupid and sudden. No emotional build-up or story/character strengthening. It's as though fans of the show/comics/toys tried to cram in as much as possible to appease fans without actually writing much of a story. It was disappointing as there was a ton of potential to do it right. I know Christopher Nolan can't bring every childhood memory of mine to life, but still. Didn't the rest of Hollywood LEARN anything from Nolan's Batman series? You CAN have action, good actors, great action and a VERY GOOD SCRIPT.

As for the changes from the first to the second movie that didn't go well, the primary mistake was not bringing back Rachel Nichols as Scarlet was a HUGE mistake. Not just because she is liquid hot, but I can't fathom a GI Joe movie without some basic characters. Duke, Scarlet and Snake Eyes are MUSTS. So not having Scarlet was bad move number one.

Bad move number two. Duke dying in the first 5 minutes of the movie? Channing Tatum clearly had no interest in doing this movie, but was contractually obligated. Well...they got him in the movie and on the poster, but he isn't a player in this movie at all. Sorry for the spoiler.

Bad move number three. Not taking Destro with Cobra Commander from the prison was just...dumb. Destro is CC's right hand man. Not having him in the second movie in any meaningful way was just...dumb.

Bad move number four. I understand why Sienna Miller would not have wanted to return, but no Baroness??? Ridiculous.

Retaliation wasn't as bas I was expecting it to be, but given all the good things from it, I know how much better it could have been.