Review of Friday the 13th (2009) by Julian T — 27 Dec 2011

I have a confession to make; I've never seen a Jason film I actually liked. To me, Jason is one of the weakest horror icons ever, and his film franchise had over stayed its welcome. With that said; this was the best Friday the 13th film I've seen, but who am I kidding, that's not saying much at all. With the recent remakes of horror films, Rob Zombie's Halloween (which was an insult to a classic) and the rumored unnecessary upcoming remakes of Nightmare on Elm Street and Poltergeist; Friday the 13th actually deserves this reboot treatment. Director Marcus Nispel and producer Michael Bay were the right people to reboot this series, the men behind the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a film I actually and surprising enjoyed. Nispel and Bay have this unique way of stylizing the setting perfectly to fit the film's dark and evil theme. The cinematography and art director really stand out in these two films, which allows me to appreciate the fact that some creative though went into these productions.

Also for the first time ever, I must admit to this, I found myself at one point very early in the film actually enjoying the film. This is not completely the same old Jason character that chases people down by simply walking after them. No, this Jason charges them at full speed while swinging his machete. The simple fact that Jason is running after people in this film, was a huge enjoyment for me. Also; we get a firsthand look at the world Jason has created at Crystal Lake; the underground tunnels, the traps and alarms he sets. All these little things really do benefit the film and it's villain, an icon who has spent too many years just slashing people left and right, where's the fun in just seeing that?

So where does the film go wrong? We have the right production crew, but the wrong screenplay. With all the talent clearly visible in the production crew, it's really upsetting that a halfway decent screenplay just wasn't possible. Why does the screenplay suck? Because most of the characters are lousy! I understand that these horror films are not suppose to have much smarts, and most of the audience who see these films all they want to see is losers getting hacked up. But wouldn't it be a much better film if it wasn't all killing and blood? Add something completely new to the film and you got the audience way more interested. This is a slasher film, so don't pretend to be surprised with the sex, the nudity, and the drug use. However; there is way too much sex and nudity in this one horror film. It gets boring and ridiculous. Did The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake have even one sex scene? No! How about nudity? Nope. Did that ruin the film? Not at all; actually it made it more enjoyable. Did Poltergeist? No! The Exorcist? No! Even the great horror film's which did, didn't make it a priority to place a lot of time and show off that much. John Carpenter's Halloween? Yes, one under the covers sex scene and two brief nude flashes. Jaws? Yes, sort of; the opening victim swims nude in the dark, but you can't see that much since it is a PG horror film.

Most of the characters in the film are douchebags, and if you couldn't tell the main douchebag in the film is Travis Van Winkle who plays Trent. Winkle also played Trent in Transformers; he was Megan Fox's douchebag boyfriend before Shia LaBeouf stole her. Same actor, same name, same character, carried over into this film. How f*#kin' original! I am convinced by this move that Winkle will be stuck playing douchebag characters the rest of his life. The majority of the characters are so stupid that we actually don't even care if they die; instead I found myself saying, "Help yourself Jason. Go get them. Oh, the guy on the boat just got an arrow shot through his head, what a shame (sarcasm)." And that's not scary at all. At about mid-point this film had the potential to be scary, but after a while I found myself bored with the killings and the supposed terror. Then I asked myself during the film, was Jason ever scary? Not really. Does jumping out of nowhere and going 'boogie, boogie, boogie' scary people anymore? No. One or two sequences where something scary happens doesn't classify a film scary. The scene in Minority Report where the Pre-Cog jumps out at Tom Cruise, this scared everyone in the theater, but that doesn't classify the film as a scary one. A film like Friday the 13th needs to be consistent when it comes to the horror genre, and original. At one point in the film I found myself predicting the director's cues, "Ok, guy goes to the screen door of the house. Looks in and says 'hello' no one answers. Ok cue the loud and viscous looking dog behind the door in the hopes of getting the audience ready for the big killing spree later in film.".

Make the characters pleasing, and likable, that way you don't want them to die, which makes the suspense scenes more terrifying and scary. When the characters are this dumb, you just don't care. Oh, and get rid of most of the sex, nudity, and drug use, it doesn't have the effect in this decade of horror films.

I do say 'bravo' and tip my hat to this remake for not going the same route as Rob Zombie's Halloween remake, where the killer slashes everyone left and right creating an outrageous body count. The film did have a few jumps and surprises (especially when Jason hangs a girl trapped in a sleeping over a camp fire), but the key and main surprise was the proper character treatment of Jason. I was glad I saw this remake of Friday the 13th, but I am completely alright not seeing it ever again. I still wait patiently for a Friday the 13th film I actually like, but seeing this remake only made me realize that day will probably never come.