Review of Fred Claus (2007) by Rebecca H — 16 Jul 2009

This is a story we have never heard before - the narration tells us so in the first line of the film. This does seem to be challenging me. I've seen a lot of films and heard a few stories in my time, and I suppose no one has ever said, did you know Santa has a brother called Fred? But why then is this film so unoriginal? As a Christmas film I've seen it all before, and as a family melodrama, I've really, really seen it all before.

Father Christmas is real - we watch him being born and the historical setting in which he grows up. This is the only interesting part of the film, which explains why it feels so tacked on. Then we are told via narration the most ludicrous and ill-researched film explanation in the history of throw-away premises - that when you become a saint, you live forever and so does your family and spouse. What? At no point is this rather generous but limited immortality addressed - how much of your family? Is third cousin Steve still around? Does this mean you can't have children, because won't you end up populating the world? What about your spouse's family? What if you're not married and just have a life partner? What about pets? What about your closest friends, who you love? Do you have to watch all these people whither and die while for some reason your parents and brother stick around for all eternity? Isn't someone going to notice this? Don't saints only become so after death - do they get resurrected? For that matter, can you die? What if a car hit you - what would happen? Absolutely none of the questions are even asked, let alone answered. And then, just to confuse matters further, efficiency inspector Clyde (Kevin Spacey) mentions that the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy exist - huh? Why did you set up Nick (Paul Giamatti) as a historical figure, and then go and tell us 'but obviously magical pixies exist too'. Add all this gibberish to the tired idea of Father Christmas in the modern day real world, which always, always, always raises the logic conundrum of if adults don't believe in Father Christmas, but he is real, where do they think those presents magically appear from? Still, in this baffling film, it is never clear whether people know he exists or not. Of course, if we're going to get into logistics, then we'll have to discuss the sleigh ride at the end, which makes no sense even by the standards of Father Christmas.

None of this makes sense, none of it is explained, and to make it more annoying, at no point did I get the slightest hint of suggestion that Fred (Vince Vaughn) has been alive for centuries. He seems settled as a modern man who in the grand scheme of time has not been alive that long. He hasn't even been with his girlfriend Wanda (Rachel Weisz) that long - so has he seen many loves die before her? Who knows? Wanda, by the way, has dreadful dialogue - although her 'common' accent is just as distracting. Their happy ending also involves her wanting a restraining order, to which he tells her he is going to live in her house - not creepy at all.

Two other moments of screeching mistakes are when the strains of Silent Night play towards the end, and when Fred, as Santa, drops into a Jewish family's house and apologises. This film is not about Christmas as a religious festival honouring the birth of our saviour, but the winter holiday where we receive (not give) presents. Do not remind us of what Christmas is supposed to be about, while gleefully trampling the name of Christ, while (rather offensively) comparing Santa Claus to him (a baby is born and doesn't cry - come on now).

The moral of the story is that there are no naughty children, only confused or scared children. And sure, I agree that it is wrong to label people as bad, especially when not considering the factors. However, that is no reason to reward bad behaviour, which seems to be Fred's plan. It also very much undermines Santa Claus, as he's been doing this for centuries and apparently completely destroying people's lives. Whoops. Although, I do admit that the Superman scene is very sweet, if unbearably obvious from the moment Clyde turns up.

Also, Fred claims that it doesn't matter that the children don't get the present they asked for, so long as they get something, because it shows someone cares - but actually, isnâ??t getting the wrong present showing just the opposite? There's nothing like realising no one is listening to you, they don't know you, or they don't care, by getting a gift you can do nothing with.

Advent is a magical time. House and shops light up at night, adding a sense of awe that is usually lacking in this modern world, jolly tunes fill the air and people go about smiling, excited at what gift to give a loved one to show just how much they care. I am a sucker for these things, and I love this time of year. So why is it that Christmas films are universally terrible? If I can listen to the same songs every year and still feel all tingly, if commercialism and tack can make me feel warm inside, what is it that the film industry is doing so catastrophically wrong?

For Fred Claus, it is that it is boring. It sounds like a comedy, but it really isn't. There are a few attempts at lame humour (often involving dwarfs fighting tall people), but mostly it isn't even trying to be funny - it is trying to be a schmaltzy family melodrama. At this it succeeds, apart from the fact that it doesn't resolve any of the family issues - but is that what we want from a Christmas comedy? I was actually surprised at how schmaltzy this was - it's not heart-warming - we are supposed to feel sorry for Fred constantly, which does make it all rather unbearable. Who is this aimed at? If you're expecting a slightly risque comedy, you're out of luck because this is a Christmas film, but if you're expecting a magical children's adventure, you're also out of luck because it is boring. So I guess if you like soaps it might be okay, except that it has elves in it. Really, this is just a mess.