Review of Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965) by Scott H — 24 Sep 2007

A human heart, belonging to Dr. Frankenstein's monster is exposed to radiation during WW2 and the Hiroshima bombings and eventually sprouts a full body and becomes an ever-growing menace. He then ends up battling a subterranean, armoured, fire-breathing reptle (but NOT Godzilla, because the producers thought the battle scenes between the two were implausible. No, seriously). Hey, you can't make this stuff up folks.

What to say about this? You can't go wrong with a good cheezy movie and this one fits the bill. Not the most unintentionally hilarious film you'll ever see, but it definitely draws more than a few chuckles out of you. Would be the perfect film to watch one night with your friends when you're all drinking.

Things to watch for:

-The "horse".

-Frankenstein throwing a tree at a bird.

-Kuwaji's obsession with Frankenstein's severed hand. I don't even want to know.

-The fact that that Baragon doesn't even appear until there is just 30 minutes left in the film.

-The way Kuwaji shrugs off even the most devastating news with just a nod.

-"It's okay, I work at a hospital." Then the police just let her approach the monster on her own, unarmed. Good job guys.

Things you learn:

-Frankenstein's heart will always live on and can even grow a whole body or regenerate lost limbs.

-Dinosaurs didn't go extinct, they just burrowed under the earth for some reason.

-Japanese people always travel in packs. This is likely because they are only capable of thinking as a collective unit. Example: Person 1: "I think he went over there." Person 2: "Yes I agree - over to the left." Person 3: "We should go there then." Person 4: "Hurry, there's not much time." They often carry ladders with them to the beach. Also, Japanese reporters will follow people EVERYWHERE, but not actually report on anything.

-The scriptwriter knew one thing about science and one thing only: protein is good for you. Thus, protein is the cause of everything and the word is uttered approximately 3 dozen times over the 84 minutes.

Bonus Fun Fact: The notion that Franky's heart will never die seems to be a likely insipiration for Celine Dion's smash hit, "My Heart Will Go On." Which means this film is cursed. Screw you guys.