Review of Flowers in the Attic (1987) by Zane E — 27 Oct 2012

(1 Star) It's kind of amazing how Flowers in the Attic is truly awful. It's frustrating, idiotic, and creepy, but not the spine-tingling, good kind of creepy. The doofy teenage main characters (Kristy Swanson, Jeb Stuart Adams) make the stupidest decisions and haven't the slightest clue how to escape an obviously escape-able situation. The depraved bitch Grandmother (Louise Fletcher, who I'm aware won an Academy Award for playing an evil character) is awful... It seems like she's caught between being balls-out crazy evil for no reason (ie Cruella De Vil) and fleshed-out dramatic evil (ie Hannibal Lector). It works for Kathy Bates in Misery, but that's probably because the main character isn't dumb as rocks.

The ending is insanely staged, provides little retribution, and has a terrible resolution. Flowers in the Attic is the worst soap opera you can think of, with the melodrama dialed up. I feel like this could be a slimy, cheesy B-movie filled with revenge so that there would be some sort of enjoyment, but this film is what we got.