Review of Flawless (1999) by Alex P — 07 Aug 2007

That's one star for Phillip Seymour Hoffman and one for Robert DeNiro. Everything else about this movie BLOWS. Somehow Joel Schumacher, a gay man himself (he's the demented genius who put nipples on the Batsuit and ruined the greatest franchise in modern movie history), has managed to make one of the most homophobic movies ever. Compared to this movie, "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" seems like "The Laramie Project". Apparently there are only two types of homosexuals in Manhattan: Drag Queens and Log Cabin Republicans. No happy medium. No middle ground. This is exactly what the red states are afraid of and exactly why the 2004 election went the way it did.

There's a stupid annoying subplot about a big-time Puerto Rican drug dealer named Mr. Z (who apparently has the entire NYPD in his pocket) and his two henchman, one Russian and one big black guy, trying to get back some money that was stolen from them. I shouldn't call this Benneton Crime Syndicate a subplot, because it takes up over half the film. The script is chock-full of terrible cliche dialogue and sterotypes. When the two worlds collide in an overwrought and out of place action movie ending, Schumacher manages to shoehorn even more homophobic humor into the film: Hoffman kills a henchman with his stiletto heel; DeNiro ransacks Hoffman's room for a phone to call the cops and comes up with ... a dildo! Hilarious.

Worth watching for Hoffman's performance, which is outstanding, and a definite highlight of an illustrious career. DeNiro is also excellent, and it's easy to see why both these actors were attracted to these characters, but the script structure and the dialogue are so blatantly awful, that even these two hall of fame actors, at the top of their game cannot save this film from its own fucked-up creator.

The movie should have just been a two-hander. A homophobic cop has a stroke and he has to ask his neighbor, a flamboyant drag queen, to give him singing lessons so he can learn to talk again. In the process, they form a friendship and learn something about each other and themselves.

That's a great story to tell. That's a movie.

This ... I don't know what this is.