Review of Five Children and It (2004) by Ruben M — 14 Oct 2005

*spoilers*.

Now I know i'm not the target audience, but seeing as I liked other movies aimed at children and parents I think my opinion is valid.

This horrid, disgusting wreck is easily the worst movie i've ever seen - beating even Event Horizon, Matrix Reloaded and Star Wars Episode 1. The special effects are poor, i've seen amateur movies with better effects and the car ride was so poorly executed it was laughable.

The story is incoherent and chaotic - in a bad way, not to mention poorly executed. Half the time things are brought up and then dropped, disappearing like they were never there. The movie is devoid of logic and reason, even for a 103 year old book it's bad. Germans turn back after seeing 4 flying kids, the mother returns for no real reason, the father doesn't acquire a new compass before flying off into enemy territory and, worst of all, the "theme" is supposed to be children being seperated from their dad yet the children seem to've completely forgotten about this when they make the first wish.

This leads us to the actors. Thee children in this movie are quite likely the most unlikeable children to have ever been put on film. Aside from the forgetting about their dad and asking not to have to do their chores (one of the unexplored things), they're also quite happy to wreak havoc and let others clean up after them. Robert is the main character and the worst. He entices his nephew to make a wish that will end him up killed, he makes a promise but simply ignores it, he doesn't even seem to be remotely interested in saving the Sandfairy (his compass is more important apparently) and on top of that he's played by Freddie Highmoore, who's looks alone are enough to make the movie unwatchable. He's so obviously stylised, so fake pretending to be sincere, so shiny-eyed he thinks he does not have to act and generally so dislikeable that i'd rather had watched Jim Carey in a kids outfit perform his part.

If you want to waste 80 minutes of your life, watch this overly sweet, unguided, LSD-fuelled trainwreck. If you want to see a [i]good[/i] movie that children and parents alike will appreciate, watch [i]Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, The Witches, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate events [/i]or the 2nd and 3rd [i]Harry Potter[/i] movies. This movie would perhaps have worked a 100 years ago, but not now.

2/10.