Review of Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) by Marcus M — 02 Feb 2017

The film that has to date grossed over $500 million and has resulted in cinemas been force to place Caution: Wet Floor signs on their aisles. Sam Taylor-Johnson's film is like one of those high school teen flicks where the ugly duckling becomes the prom queen.

To begin with she (Dakota Johnson) is an extremely beautiful lady who gives a major twitch when she gets the bangers out. They just throw some conservative clothes on her and make her a stereotypical book worm.

**SPOILER WARNING** Grey on the other hand with all his demons is just a rich cunt who isn't really into S&M. He has this play room that would freak out Fred and Rose West and turn Josef Fritzel stomach.

So many gadgets and toys he must have an army of Chinese factory workers manufacturing them in his basement. Anyway when his submissive agreed to let him do his worst on her, I am expecting him to suspend her to the ceiling in a bungee elastic chord, or a showcase of his Anal Speculums, rubber fisting mittens and stuffoscopes finshed off with a grand finale of auto erotic mummification.

Instead we learn that his major vice is just whipping her six times with his belt. That is just like dating a girl who has a state of the art home cinema in her house, complete with theatre seating, pop corn making machine, confectionary stall, beverage fountains and an extensive just for show 35mm film collection but at the end of the day when he sits down to watch a few movies she generally digs out his Tyler Perry's back catalogue.