Review of Feast (2005) by Aaron N — 14 Oct 2008

Hero: Listen to me. A storm o'hell's coming down on this place any second. I don't know what they are, I don't know where they came from. All I do know is that these fuckers are fast, nasty, and hungry... and there's four of 'em. They got claws like Ginsu knives and more teeth than a chainsaw. They're comin'... right now. So we gotta lock this bar down. That means doors, windows, drains, and zippers, and we gotta do it now. You! Get a phone, call the cops, National Guard, townies, anybody who kicks ass, and get 'em out here. Any questions?

Bartender: Yeah. Who the hell are you?

Hero: I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.

[a monster immediately reaches through the window and kills him].

A low budget, creature feature set in one location with characters so cliche they are described as such with title cards and not given names. Its short and sweet but doesn't maintain a clear enough tone to make it anything better.

The story is simple, people are at a bar in the middle of nowhere and are suddenly attacked by monsters, forced to used the bar as a holdup while they think of a plan.

The cast is made up of D-List actors and Henry Rollins, the budget mainly goes to the gore, which comes hard and heavy frequently, and the whole thing is an easy enough watch.

What does help is the attitude the film has. It certainly tries very hard to defy many conventions, offering up surprises in terms of who's next to be killed. It also attempts to be very humorous about the whole thing.

This is the main problem, the human is not taken far enough or blended well enough into the mix. It also doesn't help that very few of the actors are any good at this type of thing and a lot of the dialog and situations are ridiculous without being intended that way.

Still, the movie does manage to be a satisfying enough gore fest that is quickly paced and over in a little over 80 minutes.

Beer Guy: I think were gonna be okay, guys. Yeah, I think were gonna be alright. You know, this is just some leaky barrel, radiation, toxic dump waste, enviro-crap, freak-beast accident that crawled out of the sewer, man. That's all this is.