Review of Fateful Findings (2013) by Chris Q — 11 Jul 2014

Not since Manos Hand of Fate have I seen a movie with less plot develolment. At one point my wife and I honestly questioned if this movie could ever end, because there was no real plot and therefore no where for the movie to actually go, nothing to resolve. Alas, we were just not thinking on a low enough level, thankfully, and the ending is quite deliciously as unexpected and equally awful (awesome?) as the rest of this film.

I will say that there are parts that drag a little too much, even for a film that I'm almost solely watching for the purpose of derisive comedy effect. I can't recall another movie with even half the painful long drawn out camera shots. And have I mentioned Breen's apparent foot/shoe fetish? So many gratuitous foot close ups interspersed at all moments of the film make me wonder if there isn't supposed to be some hidden meaning. (hint: like most things involving this film it's best not to over think these things).

But there is so much more to love (hate?) about this film, from the inspired dialogue ("no more books!"; "you committed....su-ICIDE!!!?!?" -said after shooting her husband/lover, and who can forget Dylan's brilliant deadpan delivery of memorably compassionate lines: "I need you to go away now." "I'm sorry I need to keep hacking these government secerets"; "sorry, I can't fix this." -to a man with a gunshot to the head; "I have a master's in computer science and now I write books.!!...!!"; "I need you to put this blindfold on, I'm going to do something you can't see." - you'll just have to watch to understand the creepiness and oddity of this line; and my favorite "I want to hear about her elephants." - which we later learn is some sort of weird pedopheliaic sexual inuendo or something.) to the weird shots of naked people in weird moments, to the art of the shirt/panty drop to indicate sex, to the amazingly passionate make-out scenes (I think I kiss my grandmother with more passion then the kissing on display in this movie - though I can't really blame the actresses). everything is just so unexplainably bad that there are a lot of "or something" type moments in this movie, if you catch what I'm saying.

See it, but be prepared to laugh early and often at its magnificent awefulness and inept acting, script, directing, cinematography, editing, sound, and just about every other film necessity that exesists.