Review of Fast & Furious (2009) by Randall Q — 08 Sep 2012

I watch RAW every Monday night. That's a professional wrestling show. I watch it. All the time. And I love it. I love professional wrestling. The WWE frequently has terrible writing. It also has created moments that I thoroughly enjoyed watching and, dare I say it, CHERISH.

Those who get it "get it" and those who don't think it's dumb. I'm long past the point of caring what someone else thinks of me watching pro-wrestling, immune to the homophobic insults and responding sarcastically shocked (I know, I'm so witty) when someone tells me it's fake.

What does any of this have to do with Fast and Furious? The network that airs RAW in the U.S. decided to air Fast and Furious after the show. And me and my 'rrrrassssln buddies decided to watch it.

The whole thing. And it was awful. It made the acting, production, writing, action, humor, on RAW look leaps and bounds better, and it wasn't even a good episode of RAW. I liked Fast Five! The first Fast and the Furious was cool.

I've seen, but don't remember, 2 Fast 2 Furious and never have and probably never will watch Tokyo Drift. This one, though...this one. The plot is RIGODDAMNDICULOUS even for one of these movies.

The CGI is "The Mummy 2" bad. The dialogue is...seemingly written by someone who has worked on the Fast franchise before. Or maybe Gigli. Or Showgirls. I wouldn't recommend watching this to anyone, not even the people who usually watch these movies for supah kEwL vroomvroom fast cars.

Unless you're a die-hard fan of the series, beware of dog.