Review of Fast & Furious (2009) by Joanna B — 28 Feb 2016

The formula to ensure box office success for an action sequel: 1. Restoring the hard bodied draw card actors from the original, (no matter how atrocious their acting abilities) check. 2. Inject copious amounts sex appeal (straight, lesbian, try-sexual or fetish) check. 3. Purposefully orchestrate longer and more dangerous action sequences (irrespective of storyline) check, and 4. Tie up all the loose ends from flopped franchisee predecessors (even when one was completely unrelated) check.

"New Model. Original Parts" is the remarkably apt tag for the horrendously lazy titled and predictably senseless high-octane fourth (technically third, storyline placement wise) installment to the 2001 B-movie sensation "Fast and the Furious".

Although Director Justin Lin (Tokyo Drift) is still flogging the same redundant fishtailing cinematography his marketing perspective to combat diminishing box office results excels. Crucially coaxing back bulky muscle-head Vin Diesel, washed-up pretty boy Paul Walker, wild-child firecracker Michelle Rodriguez and amber-skinned hottie Jordana Brewster Lin has ensured high re venue and further sequels.

Set shortly after film number one, the rollercoaster action sequence kicks off in Dominican Republic. Fugitive ex-con Dominic Toretto (Diesel) along with his "20% angel, 80% devil" girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodrigez) lead a rag tag team of hot rod drivers continuing their high speed big-rig hijackings in a perilous attempt to rob a gigantic oil tanker.

The aftermath of this nitro-charged fiasco is sure to bring down the Fed's on Toretto's escapades. In an attempt to protect his love; Dom leaves Letty, who returns home where she gets caught up in the wrong underground cartel.

Meanwhile, newly reinstated FBI agent Brian O'Conner (Walker) is crashing into crowds and leaping rooftops chasing a low level crim who holds key information on the elusive kingpin to LA largest narcotics traffic.

The convenient necessity for hiring illegal street racers to transport highly protected drug-lord Braga's (John Ortiz) illegal loads across international borders aids in buster Brian and badass Dom's unrelated infiltration into the syndicate.

However, their reignited feud is quickly replaced with an unwavering camaraderie once they realize as soon as packages are delivered and drivers literally outlive their usefulness, they are disposed off.

Ultimately, both men are out for revenge. Past betrayals are set aside to take down their mutual enemy. Efforts to clear Dom's name and vindicate Brian's actions will take them back behind the wheel of their roaring nos-injected exotic muscle machines pushing everything to the limits.

To outmaneuver there shared adversary enlist the willing assistance of Dom's sister and Brian's jilted old flame Mia (Brewster) and hot under-the-hood for Dom but sadly not the perfect woman, Braga's right hand Gisele (series newcomer Gal Gadot).

The superfluously romantic and moral plot with the schematic hero, anti-hero and villain is not only tired but a direct rehash of number one. Although visually you can see the progression of technology in the last 8 years (especially during the racing sequences and customized GPS graphics) by no means does it live up to escalated expectations.

Showcasing an elevated subculture with its seductively alluring adrenaline-charged tribal battlefield of endless and outlawed nocturnal street parties is superficially exploited.

Doing little to dispel assumptions of its predecessors this film shamelessly exhibits unrealistically proportioned and scantily clad supermodels prancing around to instantly outdated hip hop music debating muscle vs. imports which apparently carries its own rituals, values, dress code and lingo.

(Oh come on, this is so tired).

Choking to life this exhausted cliché fest of hollow cringle-worthy dialogue, erratic and incoherent blurred CGI cuts, recycled lingo (I know you stole Getto Smurf from "Gone in 60 seconds") and overly corporate sponsored advert of a film lacks any intensity or integrity but is a wonderful conduit to escapism.

With its distinct lack of characterization and back-story, movie makers are lucky to have a strong inbuilt fan base. Newbie's, it might be worth going and renting the original first and Tokyo drift, Then you might be able to catch some interweaved references. ""I hear they're doing some pretty crazy stuff over in Tokyo." (Wink, wink).

The Verdict: Calling all pubescent testosterone laden want-to-be 16 year old street racers, this movie is your mantra. Remember to keep in mind, women like that are simply a part of your imagination, similar to that of the plot line to this story.

Published: The Queanbeyan Age.

Date of Publication: 24/04/2009.