Review of Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) by Notsteve — 20 Apr 2022

One of the most spineless attempts at storytelling I've ever had the displeasure to watch. I mainly wanted to write this review to coin the term "Vote Goat" in reference to the little creature who decides the electoral process based on who it deems pure of heart. Dear god help us if a character written by J.K. Rowling is the one judging people's characters. The refusal to bring back Johnny Depp after the hell he's been through is very telling of the absolute horror show that is J.K.'s empty shell of a heart.

Also, the Dumbledore/ Grindelvold dynamic is literally just Professor X and Magneto. I know that old crone watched those movies and then had an unrelated dream in which she invented it, but it's not subtle, nor is it remotely even as well fleshed out.

Also also, they added the Mirror Dimension from Doctor Strange, and I know that's where the idea came from, because they cast the bad guy from Doctor Strange in the movie.

Also also also, the previous movie ended on a cliffhanger where the bad guy wants to, in a roundabout way, prevent the holocaust. So, the entire subtext of this film includes our wacky heroes actively trying to stop the bad guy from preventing the holocaust. Just a fun note that is also very telling of how much of a garbage human being Ms. Rowling is. If you need a reminder, she's the same lady who wrote a slave race into her children's books and said it was okay to leave them enslaved because they "liked it.".

Even worse than Morbius.