Review of Extract (2009) by Marshallt — 21 Sep 2009

D+ Wow! A rare "thumbs down" review (I can usually muster at least a "Meh!")! I'm horrified to see that the Russian judges {to extract a tired 80's meme much as the film under review} I can usually count on for sober stiffly-curved grades in EW's Critical Mass--a/k/a Dana Stevens & Stephanie Zacharek--have *both* given this POS film a-minus grades!! AYFKM!! WTF!! (sorry meta-moderator: ayfkm!! wtf!!) Ten reasons I respectfully disagree: (10) Really? Every character in the movie is a caricature.

And while I liked me my Beavis & Butt-Head (huh-huh rules) for its then-revelatory reductionist critique of the then-dying music video industry, this movie really doesn't much expand on such caricatures (and is not even half as funny) (huh-huh it sucks, huh-huh yeah yeah sucks Sucks SUCKS!) (9) Really? Every aspect of this Extract is manufactured as a lather-rinse-repeat monotone without any sense of irony or spiritual grace, culminating in an acquiescent debate about how many cars to drive *spoiler alert?* from the funeral.

(8) Really? I swear that the cuts and scenes with dialogue involving Mila Kunis view much like a film student's audition tape for another film student's end-of-semester film project. (7) Really? If it's lust for pool boys (& others) with candy necklaces that you want, go with "Gods and Monsters".

(6) Really? Speaking of God's Cock: rock band dude caricature (oh wait, I've already whined about the caricatures, and it's all well-packaged in the review in "Variety"). (5) Really? What the bleep did this film have to say about women and blue collar workers and all of us really? I'm down with edgy humor yet a lot of this was not edgy and simply was not funny and seemed misanthropic.

Really?!? (4) Really? Although Gene Simmons surpasses his Ugly Betty entry, he's saddled with more borrowed (ball-slamming) material (. . . or is it really just homage to "Weeds"?--see '(1)' below and you decide!).

(3) Really? In case you haven't figured it out, yes, I'm borrowing from a SNL motif (Really.) because the Annoying Neighbor motif in Extract reminded me (Really.) of the proverbial too-long SNL bit (MacGruber anyone? Really?).

Yes, annoy me, make me squirm (brilliant!), but you can't claim authenticity after the umpteenth time. Really. (2) Really? If you *really* want to watch an entertaining riff on sordid lives, then you should actually watch "Sordid Lives" .

. . simply transplanting Beth Grant and *repetition alert* having her represent for xenophobia as a one-note clucking, gossiping hen is tedious. Hector did it, Hector did it, Hector did it. All work and no thieving makes Hector a dull boy.

(1) Really? Unless the goal of the movie is to get trashed (oh f**k, I finally figured it out . . . maybe this *is* a trojan horse that masquerades as a feature release . . . "Extract" is actually a drinking game packaged inside of a movie .

. . and the title gives the necessary clue: drink every time you hear the word Dinkus (or see David Koechner's nosy neighbor approach or hear him say "the thing is"). And Matt Schulze's character's bong hit insistence provides the necessary reinforcement for this conspiracy theory.

OK, with that revelation bouncin' around my noggin', I guess I'll have to award a postmodern bonus point (and hey Affleck+Wiig were appropriately ambivalent) . . . and so I'll actually rate the movie a 4: C- - -.

Huh-huh. Umm . . . . yeah.