Review of Everybody Wants Some!! (2016) by Jpmanistan — 18 Sep 2016

Like the other negative reviewers, I was very surprised by the praise for this movie. I'll chime in with the problems. There is no plot. That's not necessarily a problem if it's a slice-of-life movie, but for that type of movie to be good, it has to have charm, humor, and poignancy, and this movie has none of that. It mostly not funny. There are a couple funny lines and a couple funny scenes, but otherwise, the dialogue is overwrought. It is trying so hard to be a nostalgia piece that it is just a bunch of patched-together memories from Linklater's life.

The set design is lame. Like, after-school-special lame. Everything is so clean. This is a small Texas town in 1980. Every bar looks like it was built by a college drama set design team the day before shooting. Some empty cups just so. No overfilled ashtrays, no smoke, no dirt. Come on! Film it on location! The only exception is the players' house, which did remind me of my old college house. But still way to shiny and clean.

The actors and costuming are lame. Too shiny. Too perfect. Too "just so." The clothing is accurate to the period, but looks like it was made by a seamstress the day before. No wrinkles. No stains. No authenticity. Just facsimiles of early-80s clothes. Everyone is cleanly shaven in every scene except for their distinctive facial hair. No five-o'clock-shadows, no missed spots. All the hair is perfect all the time. No frizz. No day-before-a-haircut outliers. No sweat!!!! Nothing. It all adds up to the movie looking like a soap opera. Compared to the real dinginess of Dazed and Confused, it totally takes away any sort of suspension of disbelief. Add to that the IMPOSSIBLE attractiveness of all the actors! Ridiculous. Everyone in 1980 had perfect white teeth, apparently. Go back and watch Dazed and Confused. The lead was average looking, as were many of the other characters. Even Affleck and McCoughnehey (sp?) weren't perfectly dressed up all the time. The girls were pretty but mostly not supermodels. It just looks ridiculous. Kids at a third-tier state school in rural Texas in 1980 did not look like this. Big difference from Dazed and Confused here.

Finally, there was just no point of view. No one grew up. No one changed. No lessons learned. Just a bunch of vignettes. And even those were mostly not funny or interesting. I give it a 5 because there were a handful of decent scenes, and at times it seemed to be gearing up to go somewhere... it just never did. People still quote Dazed and Confused. No one will EVER quote this movie. You can bet on that.

Don't waste your time. I can't comprehend the positive reviews, especially from professional critics. This movie was not good at all.