Review of Eraser (2014) by Oliver E — 30 May 2010

It's times like this where I really miss action star Arnold Schwarzenegger. With all of the moronic Republican immigrant-hating bullshit he's doing these days, it makes it hard for me to enjoy a lot of his classics, not to mention his campy comedies or his unintentionally hilarious films.

Eraser definitely falls under the latter category as he plays Federal Marshal John Kruger whose job is to "erase" people, i.e. place them under witness protection and do wild rescues in case people blow their covers and such.

His next assignment is former Miss America/frequent carpet licker Vanessa Williams, whose just outed her top level company for developing super-secret super-weapons, which they intend to sell to the highest bidder rather than develop them for their cheapskate company.

Naturally, a bevy of goons and bad guys go after her, and it's not long before Arnie gets stuck behind enemy lines with her, not knowing who to trust. Filling out the bad guy role is real life bad guy James Caan, a former mentor to Arnie's character whose now turned.

What follows is nearly 100 minutes of laughable, corny action. Whether Arnie's being attacked by airplanes or crocodiles, the laughs never let up, no matter how serious this movie tries to be. Thankfully, the only person that's trying to be funny, the late Robert Pastorelli, actually IS funny in the few small scenes he has in this.

Overall, Eraser cannot hold a candle to Arnie classics, and, at 14 years of age, already looks more outdated than The Terminator. Still, if you want quick, fast relief and instant laughs (intentional and otherwise), Eraser will do you a solid.

Decent direction from Chuck Russell, who first jumped onto the scene with some great horror films like A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and The Blob remake.