Review of Entourage (2015) by Farqussus — 04 Jun 2015

I watched the entire series, and in retrospect I'm not sure why. I was drawn to the lifestyle voyeurism to begin with, but it essentially boils down to being a male version of afternoon soaps.

The movie attempts to give everyone a whole series worth of screen time in a double episode. Which means that nothing happens. There is no dramatic tension. Every story that begins, ends abruptly, tied up with a ribbon, and is swept under the rug. Moments where actual comedy might happen are deflated by a relentless stream of pointless celebrity cameos. If they'd have weaved the guys' plots into the main plotline involving Vinnie and the Sixth Sense kid, something might have happened that would've bordered on interesting.

But this is Entourage. You get what you've always been given:

Vinnie makes a seemingly idiotic decision while grinning like a moron. Ari makes it happen for no discernible reason.

Ari grits his teeth, screams at Lloyd and has an aneurism. Ari's wife stays with him for no discernible reason.

E tries to be honest with women. The guys give him **** for not treating them like steak. Women like E for no discernible reason.

Turtle runs around like a puppy. He is successful for no discernible reason.

Drama wallows in self pity and humiliates himself. The guys are oblivious that they are living with an old man whose brittle delusions are the only foundation that keep him from suicide. He is still alive for no discernible reason.

There is a lot of product placement, for obvious reasons.

In the end, everything comes up Milhouse.