Review of Eddie Murphy Raw (1987) by Lasse P — 30 Sep 2009

Richard said:

The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck MY Dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. - Do the people laugh when you say what you say?

I said: "Yes.".

He said: "Do you get paid?".

I said: "Yes.".

He said: "Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker.".

-.

This is my house! It's my house and I don't give a fuck! You know something? Hey, I'm drunk, Lil. Lil? I'm drunk. And you know something? It's beautiful. It's beautiful, Lil. In my heart and my soul, I'm drunk. You know something, fuck it. Because if I wanna drink something in my house, fine. You don't like it, get the fuck out of my house. I pay the bills for this motherfucker. I wanna drink something, I drink. Hey, Lil, you gonna answer this telephone? Do you hear the phone ringing? Lil! That's the phone, motherfucker. That's not me. No, I'm not answering shit. I pay the bills. I'm gonna answer the phone too? Who am I, Alexander Graham Bell up in this motherfucker? You better answer this telephone. Lil, answer the phone. Goddamn it, look... Shit, I'm watching the fights, Lil. Are you...? You're not gonna answer it? OK. Fine. Don't touch the phone no more, Lil. Since you can't get up off your ass and answer the phone, you can't touch the phone. Bye-bye, phone, for Lillian. No more phone for you. Your phone privileges are cut off. I'm gonna write that down and put it on the fridge. That's the new rules in the house. I'm gonna take the old rules off and put new rules up. You gonna listen to me when I tell you to do something. We gonna put new rules up. We gonna put rules up. Rules up. Rules. Rules. One, 'Lillian cannot use the phone.' Two, 'Lillian cannot... 'Since you're such a smart motherfucker, you can't go outside anymore either. â?¦Cannot go outside ever again. Now, put the rules up, Lillian. You abide by my rules and my regulations, goddamn it. And the rules say 'No phone and no outside.' And I don't give a fuck if the motherfucking house is burning down. If I come home and a fireman is putting the house out, I say: 'How you find out the house was burning? ' 'We got a call from your wife,' I kick your motherfucking ass. You're in this house to stay! You'll burn up in this motherfucker. No, Lillian, where you going? Didn't I just say you couldn't go no place? How the hell you gonna go somewhere...? You're not going to Shirley's house to play Pokeno. Fuck Pokeno. Take your coat off. No, you can't go no place because I said so. The rules say 'no outside'. I know you wanna leave, that's why you can't go. You better call and tell her you're not coming. Ohhbobobo.. You can't use my phone. I don't know. You better lift up the window and scream your motherfucking head off. But you're not... I don't give... You're not going no place. You're not going no place. Because I know you wanna leave. That's why. I know you wanna leave. I know you wanna leave. I got one of those fathers who gets drunk and sings old Motown songs to you in his argument, fucks up the lyrics and thinks he's saying it right. "I know you wanna leave me but I refuse to let you go, Lillian" Then he fuck up, think he's saying it right. "If I have to beg and plead do the symphony I don't mind because it means that much to meâ??. You're not going no place. You be right here in this motherfucker, Lil. "Watching the ships roll in, then you watch them roll away again, Lillianâ??. Because I put the rules up. Like Diana Ross say, "It's my house I live here "and she sing in Spanish too, Lillian: â??En my casa, I... Yo vivo aquaâ??. This is my house! I don't give a fuck! Do you hear this phone? I'm gonna answer, because I know it's Shirley. And you not supposed to let a phone ring for a half-hour. You let it ring two or three times and hang it up. That's a lonely bitch at the end of that line. I'm gonna tell her. Hello? Shirley? Bitch, if you ever let my phone ring like this again... Shir...? What's wrong...? Hey, what's wrong with you? What you crying about? Eddie, what's...? Eddie, what's wrong with you? What? You had a fight?! Lillian, get my pistol. Who you have a fight with? What? A disco? With Deney Terrio? Fuck you doing with Deney Terrio? And Jimmie Walker? And your lips? And you shot... What? Lillian, Eddie had a fight in a disco with Deney Terrio and shot Jimmie Walker. He shot him in the lips, Lil. Eddie, why'd you shoot Jimmie Walker in his lips? I like Good Times. Oh, you took a shot in your lips and you look like Jimmie Walker? Oh, that'd do it. Who punched you in the lips? Italian? For what? What you mean 'nothing'? Nobody get punched for nothing. What'd you do? Don't tell me 'nothing'. You had to do something. What did you do? No, don't tell me 'nothing'. Nobody gets punched for nothing. What...? Eddie... No, don't say 'nothing'. Eddie. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing, had to do something - the motherfucker punched you in the mouth. Now, what did you do? What? Eddie. No... Eddie, then it's something that you did a long time ago. Didn't I always tell you, you reap what you sow? Yes. What goes around comes around, Eddie. Yes, that's why that man punch you in your mouth tonight, for something you did a long time ago. Yes, Eddie. Well, you give what you get. You get what you give. That's why that man... Eddie, what do you mean, you don't remember what you did? He probably punched you for something you did when you was living here. I didn't catch everything that you did. I worked all day, you played all day. Eddie, who broke that lamp in 1972? It was you! Yes, it was. That's why that man kick your ass tonight. I'd appreciate if you go up and tell him that your father says 'Thank You.' Save me a trip to California. Because you never respect me. You never listen to what I tell you to do. I put rules on the refrigerator and you never obey my rules. Me and your mother want respect. You, Charlie and Vernon could not respect me and your mother. All we wanted was some respect. All we asked for was a little respect. How come you can't respect me? How come? I'm a man. I want respect. I want respect, Eddie. â??What we want baby, you got itâ??. "What we need, I know you got itâ?? "Because all I'm asking is for a little respect, motherfuckerâ?? "When you come on home, babyâ?? Hold on a minute (dancing). "The kiss is sweeter than honeyâ?? "R-E-S-Z-C-P find out what you mean to me " R-E-C-C-T-T-P" - Motherfucker, you know how to spell it! Respect. You never had no respect for me, Eddie. That's why the man kick your ass!