Review of Eastern Promises (2007) by Diemp. — 13 Aug 2008

[***SPOILER*ALERT*SPOILER*ALERT***} Where should I begin with this piece of crap?Are we to assume that the condition of the young woman (that was molested and drugged so many times) was of no interest to the London police?Why wasnt there a investigation to find out who/what caused the bruises and the needle piercings in her arms? Especially since -as it seems- these were the causes of her death.

And wasnt there an autopsy to reveal whether she was actually raped or in any way mistreated by someone? What a flop.And then Watts steals her journal and sets out on a quest to find out what happened.

How stupid can you be?Why didnt she go to the police in the first place? The script is full of holes and it really doesnt make any sense... Moving on to the cliches...We have the spoiled good for nothing son of the mafia boss that is best friend with the #1 guy of the family.

How original!!! Moreover, Cassel is always either drunk or pissed off with something and he never utters a sentence that makes sense. Next we have Mortensen, the cold-blooded mafia driver-killer-thug that -SPOILER- is actually an undercover agent of S.

Yard ! My 8year old niece can write a better script! I'm surprised they didnt cast Bruce Willis in Mortensen's role! And last but not least the mafia boss who of course he runs a restaurant, he's an excellent cook and he commands an army of two! His son and his driver/bodyguard.

We never get to see any other members of the Zakone brotherhood (some of them arrive for Mortensen's initiation into a higher rank but thats all). Also the initiation itself is quite funny since all they do is call his father a coward and his mother a wh*re, and thats it! He is accepted as a high ranking spawn of a spineless coward and a prostitute.

Enjoy! Last, the scene at the baths gave us more than we actually wanted to see...I'm talking about Mortensen's little wiggling flopping willy. I could go on but I think I have made my point.

Stay away from this movie like your life depends on it!!! I rate it with 1 because they actually had the ballz to write and shoot something that dreadfull...