Review of Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005) by Kerin A — 26 Mar 2006

[font=Arial]This is, unfortunately, a far less entertaining movie than its predecessor, Dungeons & Dragons. While in the original one could scrape through on the sheer horrific quality of the writing and acting, this movie is improved enough to be merely dismally depressing.

Bruce Payne still can't act, the plot still blows, and the director still has no idea how to make a movie. Most of the film is horrifically confusing, and the writers desperately try to tie the movie into the game through clumsy namedropping of items and locations from the game, blind adherance to classic spells, and blatant theft of the game rulebook illustrations.

The writing is pathetically tired and cliched, filled with a sort of tired malaise that saps the (admittedly pretty) scenery of any epic quality it might have. Here are examples, if you're feeling brave:

Damodar: Kill him.

Lich: Kill him yourself.

Damodar: I have the power... of the orb.

Barrek: I have grown as soft as the velvet cushions upon my chair.

That is fairly indicative of the entire movie, which is terrible. What hurts your brain nearly as much as the writing is the gigantic dragon who spits approximately 87,674,921 fireballs at a castle murdering an estimated 8,374,219,447 depressed-looking extras without harming the castle's wall or roof once.

If you watch this movie you will probably kill yourself.

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