Review of Dungeons & Dragons (2000) by Bill D — 01 Apr 2017

Dungeouns and Dragons (2000).

1d6 of 5d6 dice rolls.

So the 80s saw a revival of Sword and Sorcery and fantasy films, I wouldn't call it a renaissance but there was quite a few of decent ones made. Move into the 90s and something went terribly wrong.

(if you don't belive me google 90s fantasy films, Groundhogs day makes the list).

Anyways tabletop games kinda sorta made a comeback with the release of D&D 3rd edition but to the public it didn't matter much though because it was the early 2000s, and you were expected to be under fifteen to enjoy comics, fantasy or any sort of role-playing game. I was a tried and true nerd and when they announced that a new fantasy film based on my favorite table top game was coming out I was sold.

Thus became Dungeouns and Dragons, a film so awful it would set the genre back for years until the saving grace of Peter Jackson in 2004.

So the empress of generic fantasy land (looks and sounds like the girl from The never Ending Story) wants everyone to be equal but evil Jeremy Irons and his blue lipped, bald headed lackey wants the Mages guild to dominate everyone with a magical staff that controls Red Dragons even though the empress already has a staff that controls brown dragons.

Yep thats the plot, Jeremy Irons demonstrates the best over acting of his career, he's truly terrible in this and its almost a treat to watch the Lolita alumni sink so low, this is hilariously matched by the debate scenes between him and the empress who is woefully under acting. You will laugh, its that bad.

Let me get on to the protagonists of the film. The cast of charchters include, a pretty 90s girl who is the, I wanna be more than a bookworm mage and a pretty 90s boy, the I want to be more than a thief. Oh and Marlon Wayne's is in this as the goofy sidekick and he is the worst most annoying charchter and he is a huge factor in the everlasting stink of this film.

****Spoilers********.

He dies and this is the most satisfying moment of the entire film, something that should be terrible, brings so much joy to your heart. There's also a drunk dwarf and a sexy black elf with boob plate armor but they litteraly don't do much the entire movie.

Some people look back fondly on this film in a nostalgic way but to me its a reminder of how dark the times were for the perception of genre. There was no effort or love put into this film, it was simply a product manufactured to cater to a quick cash grab and insults the very source material it's based on.