Review of Down Periscope (1996) by Kaitlyn N — 22 Sep 2014

If you are looking for a classic movie to watch this weekend, look for something along the lines of the Breakfast Club, or Napoleon Dynamite. Don't waste your time with Down Periscope. It may be older, but it is definitely not a classic gem waiting to be found. This cheesy movie has in no way stood the test of time.

Down Periscope starts with Tom Dodge (Kelsey Grammer), a Lieutenant Commander that applies for a promotion to captain. Due to some unsightly, immature events in his past, the navy is reluctant to give him the position. After discussion, the decision is reached that they will give him full command of the ship if he can pass a war game in which he has to blow up a dummy vessel. The catch is that he is given an old, run down ship and a crew that is in no way up to par to face the rival team made of the best the navy has to offer.

The graphics in this movie are unquestionably low budget. Within the first five minutes of the movie there is a scene where Captain Dodge is being shown his almost out of commission, filthy ship by a speedboat out to the port. The scene is obviously being done by green screen as if they couldn't at least take a boat out themselves. Later, when his unorthodox crew is attempting to act like a fishing boat in order to not be caught by the opposing team, the set depicting the outside of the boat in the rain looks almost as if it were drawn by hand. This movie was obviously a desperate cry for attention compared to the greats of its time.

This cat-and-mouse plot line never really reached a finale. There was no sense of building as the plot recycled itself over and over again. Dodge's ship would almost be uncovered, he would come up with a good idea to evade the other ship, there would be a long wait period to see if it was pulled off, and finally he would succeed. This same sequence happened several times over without any escalating sense of suspense or urgency.

There was a long wait to see if, like most movies, a romance developed between the lead female and male roles. Halfway through the movie the dive officer (Lauren Holly) decided to give the captain one quick peck on the cheek. There is so much that could have been done with that romance, but they make you wait until the end for anything else to come of it.

If the awful graphics weren't enough, the humor was very recycled and repetitive, almost as if the writers weren't paid enough. The electrician got electrocuted several times over and there were many fart jokes. The most amusing parts of the movie were the scenes in which the executive officer (Rob Schneider) would get almost fire-breathing-angry at the crew that could do nothing right. He would get so infuriated that his head would bob as he screamed and his veins would pop out to the point where I wondered if he would actually have a heart attack. However, they made Rob and his performance walk the plank halfway through the movie ending the only sound comedy they had.

The slow, un-climactic plot coupled with poor graphics, and child-like humor almost makes it hard to watch. This movie should have stayed in the 90's. It could take a few lessons from movies today in which they actually resolve romances and only use jokes once. As far as classic movies go, stick with the popular ones, or you might find more terrible plot lines and dry humor that just waste the time you could be spending watching better up-to-date movies.